The empty nest syndrome it is a sense of loss and loneliness experienced by some parents when their children leave the family home for the first time. It can happen, for example, when they go to university or become independent for the first time.
Despite not being a clinical disorder, empty nest syndrome can cause great discomfort to those who suffer from it. The fact that the children become independent is something normal and healthy; but it is also a time of great change for parents, especially for those who do not work and were only dedicated to taking care of them.
If not processed properly, the changes related to this syndrome can lead to more serious problems in parents, such as depression or loss of purpose. Therefore, it is necessary to learn to recognize its symptoms and develop strategies to prevent or alleviate them when they appear..
In this article we will tell you everything you need to know about empty nest syndrome, both about the symptoms it causes and its causes. In addition, you will also learn to prevent its appearance, and some strategies that you can use if you are already experiencing it..
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Parents who experience empty nest syndrome have spent the past 18 years or more living in a home with children. Therefore, the fact that they are suddenly no longer there can make them feel very alone..
And the fact is that, even though each one had their own routine formed, in most cases parents and children spoke daily, their concerns and experiences were shared and in general they shared time together..
However, as the children become independent, communication with them becomes scarcer and more complicated, even when trying to maintain.
Many parents dedicate a very important portion of their day to day caring for their children and helping them in whatever way they can..
Between school meetings, taking the little ones to class and their extracurricular activities, activities with other parents and other similar occupations, they hardly have time for their own hobbies and interests.
Because of this, when the children “leave the nest”, these people can feel as if they no longer have anything to do. Even with their own jobs, hobbies and circles of friends, these people often say they are empty and without a clear direction..
Another of the most common symptoms caused by empty nest syndrome is sadness. It is not uncommon for parents who experience it to cry often, feel down, or lose interest in activities that previously made them feel good..
In fact, sometimes the symptoms of empty nest syndrome can lead to a depressive disorder, either mild or severe. Fortunately, sadness usually ends up going by itself; but if you don't, you may need to ask a specialist for help.
Some parents who are experiencing empty nest syndrome feel that their children are ungrateful. When they become independent, it is normal for young people to seek more privacy and no longer share everything with their elders; but for some adults, this is intolerable.
Thus, these people will feel frustrated when they see that it is not possible to maintain the same level of communication that they enjoyed when their children were still living at home..
Often times, they will also try to make them feel guilty about their own emotions, with the goal of getting young people to pay more attention to them..
In addition, it is common for parents to try to control their children's every movement. This can be done in many ways, but some of the most common are to be constantly aware of your social networks, call you every so often, or ask you to visit the family home very often..
In cases where the couple is still living together, the empty nest syndrome can become an even greater challenge..
Normally, when children are born, the parents' lives become centered on them, so the relationship is often neglected and the connection is largely neglected..
Because of this, when children leave the family home, it is common for parents to discover that they no longer know how to live together as a couple. This, added to the stress caused by the empty nest syndrome, can lead to all kinds of problems between the two of you..
As a consequence, it is relatively common for couples who go through this stage to end up separating. However, it is also possible that the opposite occurs and the relationship will emerge stronger from this complicated situation..
Research on empty nest syndrome suggests that some parents are much more susceptible to it than others. In general, those who suffer from it have some characteristics in common, which we will see below.
People who believe that the changes are generally negative are more likely to experience unpleasant symptoms when their children leave home..
On the contrary, those who welcome changes in their life will usually not have as much trouble adjusting to their new situation..
It is common for parents experiencing empty nest syndrome to experience their own process of becoming independent as traumatic. This causes them to worry excessively about the welfare of their children, and believe that things are going to go as badly as themselves..
Some people draw much of their self-esteem from the roles they play. In this specific case, some individuals totally identify with their role as parents, and make their life revolve around it..
Therefore, when your children leave home and no longer have to fulfill this role, they have a very hard time until they get adjusted..
On the contrary, some people have strong self-esteem, and are able to derive their sense of worth from many different sources. These individuals generally do not have many problems related to empty nest syndrome..
Symptoms of anxiety and discomfort experienced when children leave home are aggravated when parents do not trust that they can fend for themselves.
In many cases, adults believe that young people are unprepared to function in the real world, increasing the prevalence of symptoms that we have already seen..
Finally, research shows that the empty nest syndrome affects to a greater extent those parents whose main occupation was taking care of their children.
This occurs, for example, when the person did not work, did not have their own hobbies, or had not cultivated their own social circle.
The symptoms of empty nest syndrome usually go away on their own after a while. People who suffer from it just need to adapt to their new circumstances, find a new hobby or purpose with which to fill their time, and discover the best way to maintain their relationship with their children..
However, in some cases the symptoms may be very severe, may not go away on their own, or may lead to a more serious problem such as depression or an anxiety disorder. When this happens, it may be a good idea to see a specialist.
There are many psychological approaches that can be very effective in combating empty nest syndrome. The most widespread is cognitive-behavioral therapy, but there are other less known ones such as acceptance and commitment therapy (TAC) that can be just as effective.
On the other hand, forming a solid support group is usually a key aspect in the disappearance of the most serious symptoms of this syndrome..
This can be done by seeking the company of other people who are going through a similar situation, or simply spending more time with family and friends that make the person feel better..
Most cases of empty nest syndrome can be completely avoided if some steps are taken before the time when the children leave the family home. The most important are the following:
- Although you want to take the best possible care of your children, do not forget to fill your life with activities and experiences that also fill you. This way, when they leave home the change will not be so drastic..
- Try to maintain a close and harmonious relationship with your children. Thus, when they leave, it will be much more likely that you can continue to maintain contact with them..
- Learn to accept changes. The fact that children leave home is a natural part of life, and as such it does not have to be a traumatic event.
- Accept that you may feel bad. Experiencing negative emotions in the face of a change as important as the abandonment of the children of the family home is something very normal. If instead of fighting your feelings you accept them, they will have much less power over you.
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