Just a few years ago, when someone wanted to communicate with their partner, they would look for a telephone -maybe a public one, with coins-, and would call the landline number they had directly..
On many occasions, the person was not or could not respond because he was away from home and his partner had to settle for trying again, knowing that he couldn't do much about it. End of story, there wasn't much to do about it. Those were the rules and there was nothing left but to abide by them.
Starting in the new millennium and particularly in the last five years, the massification of the media has drastically modified the way in which the modern couple establishes their relationship. Smart phones, Networking Social and increasingly powerful applications virtually pulverize the boundaries that separate the concept of couple relationship and the right to personal privacy.
Because before having a role: mom, dad, brother, friend or partner, we are people. And as people we have every right (and it could almost be said, the obligation), to keep a part of us -the intimate part-, safe, including in this and sometimes the partner. Which also means that we can choose when and in what way we use these tools..
However, as I said at the beginning the rules seem to have changed although that is not the real problem, but the misinterpretation and execution of them.
Suddenly it seems that due to the fact that Social Networks or applications allow us to be more in contact in real and immediate time with others and to know about their lives, this gives us the right to become a kind of Peeping Tom cyberdigital.
Electronic voyeurism, one that arises from the apparently uncontrollable need that some people have to be aware of what their partner does every moment of the day and keep track of it through applications or Social Networks, has grown alarmingly with damaging results not only for the people who suffer this kind of harassment, but also and in greater -although more subtle-, the way in which they carry out this behavior.
And the subject is really of consideration. For example, a study carried out at the University of Queensland, Australia by Doctors Rachel Elphinston and Patricia Noller, found that constant intrusion into the profiles of Facebook of their partners, provoked in these people constant suffering and dissatisfaction with the relationship, reflected by means of zealotype and constant vigilance.
One more, now conducted at California State University by a team led by L.D. Rosen, dares to go further by proposing that Facebook is beginning to create psychiatric disorders based on anxiety.
So, there is an unquestionable pattern: technology powerfully influences people on an emotional level.
Perhaps one of the most notorious and recent cases - and that directly touches romantic relationships - is that of the famous instant messaging application WhatsApp. With more than 900 million users, it is the most used communication system in the world. And apparently also one of the most breakups and anxiety provoke.
An alleged study, attributed to CyBerPsychology and behavior Journal, revealed that until 2013 WhatsApp had caused about 28 million users They will end their relationship due to anxiety -and its consequent effects-, caused in them by the fact that there was no immediate response to their messages. However, this work was not reliably validated so this figure - although it may scare some - should be taken with a grain of salt..
But regardless of whether or not those 28 million ruptures were true, it is a fact that the emotional alterations in the people who used the application were further enhanced. when the company reported that the system that announces the receipt of a message by means of a double check (or two popcorn as we say in Mexico), now it would be marked in a blue tone indicating that said message had been read. If to this it was added that there were also notifications that warn "Last connection at ..." and "online", the stage was set.
Then the results did not wait and appeared through the call "Double check syndrome", that occurs in users who manifest unequivocal symptoms of anxiety after the two blue "popcorn" appear and receive no response.
This syndrome can include five types of symptoms:
As it is practically impossible to do without - let's face it - something as essential in today's life as WhatsApp or another means of immediate communication, the problem worsens. However, what can be done is to begin to understand that it is not the tool that is the problem, but the improper use that is made of it.
Any application that is in the hands of a person whose primary objective is to use it to have control over another person (in this case, their partner), will trigger the anxiety of said individual. When it comes, basically, to the use of a tool through inadequate motivation, we are talking about attitudes and behaviors derived from a deep and personal insecurity -literally and symbolically speaking-.
In this sense, there are two issues that significantly influence the use of WhatsApp as a means of controlling the couple: misperception and the assumption.
On the one hand, perception is what allows us to have a first knowledge of something based on the impressions that the senses communicate. However, the absence or inadequate information from these senses can easily lead us to a wrong perception. This occurs in the case that we are touching when, for example, the person anticipates the information and assumes that what he perceives is communicating something to him when it really is not..
"I know you saw the message", It could be the thought of not receiving a response after the double blue check appears; but this perception becomes wrong and gives way to an anxious state when that thought is followed by a "... and he didn't want to answer me".
The truth is that this is an anticipation that obviates reality: Only we know what he saw the message. If we focused on the latter, there would be no reason to suffer from anxiety..
Second, when we misperceive and detach from reality even for a brief moment, we assume that our fears are true; the person victim of the "double check syndrome" becomes suspicious and begins to link one idea after another with what ends up closing the clamp of that state.
If the user does not have their "positive reinforcement" - the answer - so to speak, the myriad of wrong thoughts do not stop..
The truth is that it is difficult to accept that WhatsApp, Facebook or any other tool of the type are determinants so that relationships are diluted, because there are still many more millions of people whose romantic relationships have not been seen -at least not to those extremes-, affected by its use. Do they influence? Yes, of course, but they are not the direct culprits.
No. Direct responsibility has to do with the capacity of each person to put into practice an emotional intelligence that fosters an adequate assertiveness in the use of these applications and in their direct link with their relationships. It's a bit like remembering the old popular saying: "Pistols are loaded by the devil but shot by stupid people." Until next time.
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