Before I tell you what are the three most common and fatal mistakes when ending a relationship, let me tell you something: It is inevitable, I know. We grew up hoping for an ideal love. A unique love that would come in the fullness of our days to fill our lives and that should last forever. However, the reality is different since in real life many love relationships end. And when this happens ...
Future plans fade and mixed feelings appear. With all these changes comes also emotional instability. For moments sadness and anxiety invades you, at other times guilt is what overshadows your days and undoubtedly anger or indifference will also come..
And of course, throughout all this instability we lose objective thinking and many of us fall into behaviors that, without knowing it, are detrimental to the process of overcoming the separation. Let me show you now what are 3 common mistakes that are made when ending a relationship and how to avoid them..
During the whole time that the relationship lasted, your ex was important in your life. At least it should have been. And in the same way, you were (I hope so) important in your ex's life. They shared their lives, their fears, dreams and day to day. As love relationships normally work. However…
And therefore you can't keep giving your ex all the attention they used to. It is no use saying that you will always be aware of your ex because he meant something important in your life. Nor is it healthy for you to continue to reserve a space in your routine and in your heart dedicated to your ex. The relationship ended and it is time to move on with your life. Don't make the mistake of putting your life on hold because of the separation. Nor do you put your own needs after your ex's..
And this new life must be built without the shadow of your past relationships. In the same way, you should not aspire that your ex continues to be concerned and aware of you. Actually they no longer have any relationship or commitment with the other, therefore your ex should also have the focus on their reality. And none of this means they didn't love each other during their time together! Maybe they did, possibly in an instant they both wanted to stay together. But now they have made up their minds. The decision to continue independent lives separated from each other.
Another very common mistake in those who are going through a separation is looking for the ex-partner to talk about feelings. One of the biggest problems in relationships is that they do not communicate their feelings to the other. But curiously, when relationships end, that need to express themselves emerges. And this does not even happen at the moment in which the relationship is ending but weeks or even months later..
Because just, being alone, we reflect on what we really feel. Because by not having the person in front of us, we rethink our ideas until we understand ourselves. And finally, because we see the inevitable expiration of the appropriate time to say it and we evidence the loss of future opportunities. However, once again the relationship has already ended. And except in those situations in which both have agreed to have a further clarification, seeking to share your emotions with your ex is inappropriate.
The first is that your ex I have no interest in listening to you. And if so, all the expectation you have about your answer will be unsatisfied. The second is that wake up a similar response in your ex. And if so, you must be willing to have an exchange of conversations whose only goal is to vent. Consider that the response you aspire to have from your ex usually does not resemble what they used to give you. Therefore, if you cannot avoid fantasizing about a reunion with your ex, force yourself to imagine him with the characteristics that the conversations usually had before the separation..
Finally we come to the last of the most common mistakes when ending a relationship that I will talk about today. This mistake is including your ex in your present life. Those women who have talked to me during the process to get over their exes have confessed that they dedicate a lot of activities, thoughts and energy to keep their exes present in their lives. Most justify these actions stating that they do it because of the importance of their ex in their lives. But all this fades after realizing that his ex are just a memory and are not part of the present. However, even so, many people get stuck after a breakup due to this mistake..
The main and most frequent is to focus all your conversations on your ex. Yes, you lived a separation and you are going through a difficult time in your life. However, that is not a reason not to stop talking about your ex. On the contrary, the more you integrate your ex in the conversations, the more present he will be and it will mean more difficulties to forget him. So look for new activities to help you get over your ex. Try to find different topics of conversation; take an interest in the lives of your friends, read a new book, enroll in a course.
The second mistake is to continue pending and attentive to all those things that have to do with your ex. It is not necessary for you to continue reminding him of the date of his tax return, or of the due date of that payment. Make no mistake in thinking that this will make you more special or that it will make your ex value you. On the contrary, you will show that even without your ex giving you any love, attention or respect, you have total availability to satisfy their needs. Keep in mind that to overcome a separation your attention should be focused solely on building a new life without the shadow of your ex.
Living a love breakup is one of the most difficult situations that human beings face. However, the process to overcome it can be faster and certainly less painful. For this to be the case, you must avoid dedicating thoughts, energies, or activities to your ex. Once the relationship ended, they must end it, all kinds of unfinished business.
So spend a minimum of time breaking all those ties that keep you tied to your previous relationship and then focus solely on yourself. Do not take away space and energy from new opportunities to protect the space that your ex once occupied. You are the most important being at this moment and that importance and value are built and given by yourself, not by your ex. Don't look for your ex hoping to give peace to your feelings.
This peace can only be found within yourself, taking the usefulness of experiences, stopping carrying guilt, and looking towards new goals. Look at your present life as a sheet of paper on which half is already a written story, but the other half is still blank. Decide how much of that space you will continue to give to a relationship that has already ended and what story you want to write from now on..
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