When a relationship ends, a type of anxiety appears instinctively and immediately: separation anxiety.
After a romantic breakup, many biological and circumstantial emotional processes are involved.
Anxiety is a natural defense mechanism associated with the emotion of fear. It appears when our brain notices a possibility of danger or we simply step out of our comfort zone. We subconsciously create a physical and emotional zone where we can afford to let go of control.
This feeling of control is a deceptive state of our mind to be able to deactivate our interior alarm. The purpose of this is to satisfy our need for security and trust that is something basic in the human being. Human beings need to feel safe for their own survival as a species.
Without realizing it, we are creating a series of habits in which we we disconnect from control to be able to develop other capacities that are also necessary in our evolution.
While we are in that control status and the alarm system is activated, our logical capacities are also diminished. At that moment, our part takes over emotional and instinctive. When a romantic relationship ends, we leave that safety zone that we had created and re-enter the state of uncontrol, favoring the appearance of separation anxiety.
The predominant emotion is afraid. There is no anxiety process that is not associated with this emotion. For this reason, the need to flee or to fight appears.
If we decide to fight, our mind will turn to anger towards our former partner. Our mind will provide us with memories of the worst moments. From there we will obtain the energy to overcome it and turn the page.
Some studies show that when the breakup has been caused by infidelity or through no fault of our own, we connect better with anger and get over it sooner. However, it took us longer to get over it if we are the ones who decide to end the relationship.
Many times we know that the relationship has no solution. However we avoid put an end to it so you don't feel separation anxiety. Sometimes we can end up obsessing trying to solve it to return again to the same starting point. We become neurotic and we do not advance.
To move forward, we need to be willing to feel fear. We must live the grieving process until we finish overcoming it. If we don't, we will always be left in another kind of pain. A pain that we control but that does not advance and has no end.
Most of us have the skills to get through these bad times. We can use our internal resources and rely on other motivations.
When fear appears, the activation of the autonomic nervous system (not conscious), and the hormonal response (endocrine) by the amygdala.
When we have anxiety, the nervous system stimulates the release of catecholamines (adrenaline and noradrenalines). Increased blood levels of catecholamines activate our defense system. At that moment we are prepared to flee or fight against a situation that is beyond our control..
The amygdala activates the corticotropic axis (hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis) as a consequence of a hormonal response. The liberation of the corticotropin releasing hormone stimulates the release of adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH).
This release produces an increase in cortisol which in turn fuels and enhances the release of adrenaline and norepinephrine.
As a consequence of all of the above, we experience a series of very unpleasant physical sensations associated with the emotion of fear. A complex and painful process, which we can overcome if we use the right tools.
The main thing to get out of this state is to create a new routine. Neuroscientific studies support that to create a new neural network it takes 21 days. Therefore, this is the time it will take to incorporate a new habit into your life..
I invite you to take the opportunity to turn your emotional breakup into an opportunity for a positive change in your life..
As an example, you can integrate a new way of living into your day-to-day life, through a fitness lifestyle. Fitness will help you improve your emotional state and it will also promote a notable rise in self-esteem thanks to physical changes.
Having healthy lifestyle habits and developing willpower and self-discipline will lead you to grow emotionally and lead a more positive life. You'll get values that you can extrapolate to any of your other vital plots. Little by little you will fill that void that the departure of that person has generated in your life.
This will lead you to put order at a time in your life where there will be a lot of disorder. Eating disorder is enhanced when there are separations.
Food anxiety or loss of appetite may appear. I recommend that you design a diet and put it in your refrigerator, so you will only limit yourself to following it.
I recommend compagines strength exercise (weights, crossfit, pilates) with cardiovascular (walking fast, running, cycling ...)
It's very important Strengthen muscles to prevent bone diseases and oxygenate your blood. Cardiovascular exercise will help you slow down oxidative damage to your cells. Will produce an improvement in the distribution of nutrients and consequently a better release of endorphins, serotonin and dopamine.
If you order your diet and do physical exercise, you will undoubtedly gain quality at rest. A good rest contributes to stabilize the central nervous system that is easily destabilized when we go through emotional crisis.
In my book "Emotional Fitness", edition B, you will find a complete personal coaching manual, where you can learn a lot about your limiting beliefs. They are beliefs that prevent you from moving towards a better version of yourself. You will also learn to manage your recurring negative thoughts. To have more willpower, overcome laziness and stop proctastinating (do not start on Monday)
You can take advantage of the chance of loss to get better at all levels. Both physical and emotional.
Only by recovering your happiness will you be able to offer others the best of yourself. You can always be a better you and after a separation there is a good opportunity for it
Leaving home and meeting people outside your problems in the gym or sports center, will help to get out of that mental world where you find yourself when you suffer from separation anxiety.
Organize your new life according to your new needs. Is a chance to start over and build the life of your dreams.
If you are going through a sentimental breakup, put on some sneakers, tie those laces well and stomp because you have the greatest conquest at your feet: Yourself.
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