The disorganized attachment it is one of the four types of attachment described by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. These psychologists studied the relationship between babies and their parents and caregivers, and found that it can take four different forms. Disorganized attachment would be the most damaging of them all.
This type of attachment is formed when a child cannot trust his parents to take care of him and protect him, which can occur for a variety of reasons. For example, adults may abuse him physically or emotionally, or they may have erratic or distracted behavior. Also, they often act inconsistently towards the baby..
In this way, the little one is faced with a dilemma. On the one hand, you need your parents to be okay; but on the other, he does not know how they are going to act or he knows that he can be harmed by them.
Thus, the child adopts a pattern of erratic behavior, sometimes avoiding their caregivers and sometimes trying to approach them by any means..
The consequences of disorganized attachment are very negative, both during childhood and during the adult life of the person. Thus, it brings all kinds of problems in areas such as self-esteem, social relationships or the couple. In this article we will tell you everything you need to know about this type of attachment.
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If there is one characteristic that clearly describes the consequences of disorganized attachment, it is fear. Children with this type of relationship with their parents, for different reasons, have associated their caregivers with pain or sadness, rather than with security, support or affection.
Why is this happening? There are two alternatives. On the one hand, it is possible that the child has suffered some kind of trauma, such as an episode of physical abuse by one of their caregivers.
However, sometimes it is possible for the little one to develop disorganized attachment due to the accumulation of small negative situations..
For example, if a child receives constant criticism, or is despised by his parents when he asks for help, over time he may develop this pattern of attachment..
When a child develops disorganized attachment, they are faced with what experts call a "biological dilemma." On the one hand, the little ones need to receive care and support from their parents; but on the other, the fear they feel towards them pushes them to try to get away as much as possible.
Thus, a child with disorganized attachment will often act in seemingly contradictory ways in the presence of their caregivers. You may cry for comfort while avoiding physical contact; or that responds in totally opposite ways to two identical situations.
Researchers have identified two subtypes of disorganized attachment: "secure" and "insecure." Both have very negative consequences, but the consequences they cause in children's lives are quite different.
It is important to remember that children with disorganized attachment can act as if they belonged to one or another subtype on a frequent basis, depending on what they are experiencing at any given moment..
The first subtype occurs when children unconsciously decide that their need for their parents to care for them is more important than their fear. In this way, despite their discomfort (which is often clearly visible), they will try to approach their caregivers again and again..
Researchers have found that the parents of these children are often overwhelmed by their children's needs. When a child with secure disorganized attachment shows that he needs love or understanding, adults often ignore him, causing attempts to get his attention to be reinforced.
Finally, in most cases children with this type of attachment get their parents to pay attention to them, but at the cost of suffering great discomfort. In addition, the parents of these children often feel overwhelmed, which further deteriorates the long-term relationship..
Children with the other disorganized attachment subtype react differently to the dilemma of needing protection against fear of their parents..
These little ones have learned that the consequences of asking for help or understanding from their elders are much more negative than the potential benefits of doing so..
In this way, they try to act completely independently, even in situations where it would normally be necessary for them to ask for help or support..
The parents of these children tend to act in violent and unpredictable ways, which the little ones learn to avoid from a very early age.
The consequences of this relationship of terror and need of children with their parents can be seen in all areas of the lives of children.
With your caregivers, your behavior will range from utter avoidance to attempts to get their attention by whatever means possible, despite your fear for them..
As for the other areas of children's lives, disorganized attachment often causes all kinds of problems. Thus, children with this type of relationship with their parents tend to have a lack of self-esteem, few social skills and difficulties in carrying out their tasks..
In school, children with disorganized attachment tend to adopt two possible types of behaviors with others. Either they go out of their way to get others to accept them, forgetting about their own needs, or they become aggressive, cold, and distant. In addition, they frequently switch between the two types of behavior..
Children who have developed disorganized attachment to their parents, if not intervened, usually end up becoming adults with all kinds of problems.
Lack of self-esteem, fear of other people, and the need for attention generally become more severe and remain unconsciously present.
People with this type of attachment usually harbor negative beliefs about others and their relationships with them. For example, they may think that fear and pain are necessary components of friendship or love, or that their friends and lovers will always try to take advantage of them..
In addition, the dance between fear and need is still present in these adults, although it generally focuses on their partner and friends. Thus, people with this style of relationship will sometimes try desperately to seek the attention of others, while at other times they will hide their feelings and behave indifferently..
On the other hand, these individuals tend to idealize romantic relationships and fear them at the same time. This causes them great confusion, and is often the cause of a lot of pain and discomfort in their lives..
The consequences of having suffered disorganized attachment as a child and not having solved this problem are extremely negative. P
On the one hand, as we have already seen, these people's romantic relationships are often erratic and cause them a lot of pain and confusion; but other areas of his life are also equally damaged.
Thus, a very common trait among these people is uncontrolled violence and anger. Because of this, they can often end up in trouble with the law..
On the other hand, they are generally more prone to develop psychological illnesses such as depression or anxiety, and to fall into substance abuse.
Regarding the work aspect, people with disorganized attachment generally have great difficulties in keeping a job for a long time, due to their erratic behavior. In addition, stress takes a toll on them more pronouncedly than on other individuals..
Finally, if these people have children at some point, the most common is that they reproduce the behavior that their parents showed with them, thus creating children with disorganized attachment. In this sense, insecure attachment is considered "hereditary".
Changing one's own attachment pattern during adult life is very complicated, mainly because it causes us to see the world in a certain way that it does not even occur to us to question. However, with patience, effort, and the right approach, it is possible to develop a secure relationship style..
Generally, it is considered that there are three ways to develop secure attachment during adult life: go to psychological therapy, maintain a relationship with someone who already has this style, or do deep personal development work. In the case of someone with disorganized attachment, it is often necessary to use all three paths at the same time.
Thus, a person with this relational style will have to work very hard on their own beliefs and behaviors in order to change their way of understanding the world; and will generally need all possible support from loved ones.
However, the effort is often worth it, as developing secure attachment has very beneficial effects on virtually every aspect of a person's life..
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