How to help someone change their habits

Many of the ideas I share on this blog refer to changing our own habits. However, I believe that it is so important to change our habits how to help the people around us to change theirs.

Change makes sense when those habits mean something negative and damaging for that person. If your partner has the habit of get up for a run every morning don't try to change it.

Any habit-changing technique that you use on yourself, you can also try using someone else. However, before getting down to work, you must solve several barriers that will arise during the process:

Make sure that person really wants to change

That a habit is harmfulit is not reason enough for a person to make the decision to abandon it. People can be very protective regarding your habits. They have been part of their lives for so long that they consider them part of their identity and show themselves resistant to change. Without a doubt, this is the first barrier to overcome and it is usually the most difficult. If we manage to overcome it, we can move on to the following points.

Don't judge the habit

This is a barrier that you put up between yourself and the person you want to help. Many times people do not allow themselves to be helped due to recriminating tone what do we use with them. You know, that tone with which we implicitly say that we know what is best for them.

This tone makes them feel like children who have misbehaved. As a consequence, they will defensive and they won't listen to you. Try to avoid this tone by throwing messages of understanding and acceptance towards that person and their habit. Your position on habit should be neutral. Don't think that the habit is good or bad, just help the person change it.

Increase your awareness of the habit

This is my favorite point because if it is done correctly the changes are immediate. Habits that are strongly internalized we turn into automatic tasks that happen on the fringes of consciousness.

We must try to connect people's consciousness with the moment they are doing the habit. Last year my girlfriend tried to quit smoking without success. I really think he didn't want to quit and he just tried not to hear me. However, for several weeks he managed to reduce the number of cigarettes he smoked simply by becoming aware of them..

I told him to make a division between the cigars that he really liked (usually after meals) and the unconscious cigars (those who smoked for smoking regardless of the time). Simply eliminating unconscious cigarettes cut consumption by more than half.

Overcoming these 3 barriers is no guarantee that someone will change a habit. However, taking them into account is a good start. They may seem very obvious but many times we forget, especially the first two.

These indications work as a first support towards the person with whom we share the day. For really harmful habits or addictions it is best to consult a professional.

Source: Psyblog