Every relationship begins with a structure full of illusions and involves a huge set of dreams that are configured into a life project.
From that moment on, both members of a relationship develop a life plan that is strengthened with positive attitudes that consolidate the bond, these being the ones that will progressively give sustenance and body to the relationship.
But in the same way, negative attitudes make up a complex, sometimes convulsive couple's story that modifies the entire emotional and motivational body to be together.
Negative attitudes structure heartbreak, which again puts people in the face of loneliness, since they make love an experience incompatible with emotional stability. At that time there will be a grieving process that will involve a huge set of thoughts, emotions and actions., associated with the pain of losing a relationship.
It is normal to expect that there will be a difficult stage after a breakup, because the facts go beyond not being next to a person. The stages of heartbreak constitute a whole process that must be overcome.
This romantic duel has multiple edges, which implies effects on a social, moral, spiritual, economic level, depending on the style and form of the relationship..
The truth is that there is a stage of progressive pain, which involves significant emotional disorganization, sometimes necessary, but depending on how it is handled, it can become very complex, and have significant emotional consequences that can affect people on multiple levels. such as:
This just to mention some areas that in one way or another, are altered before the psycho-affective grief for loss of a relationship, now how to face and elaborate this process?
Quite often, people who go through a complicated grief, due to the fact of having lost their partner, tend to develop a thought structure poorly adjusted to reality, that prevents them from understanding the objective causes for which said mourning is present.
All of this leads them to be delusional and into denial. From this perspective, the grief will worsen, since the reason for the breakup due to the over-idealization of the couple cannot be understood without considering the degree of functionality of the relationship..
An objective analysis allows locating the break in an important set of facts, situations and attitudes, which could explain the reason for the break.
An objective analysis makes it possible to assess the convenience or inconvenience of continuing or not in this relationship, which could allow a quicker reworking and of course healthier on an emotional level..
If a person after the break begins to experience significant alterations:
All of this could be an indicator of a significant depressive factor that must be analyzed and evaluated in order to implement an intervention therapy at two levels: the medical and the psychological. In this way, it will be possible to make a good diagnosis, with the aim of correctly addressing the emotional pain structure that is present.
One of the elements that usually complicates the resolution of a grieving process based on heartbreak is avoiding and avoiding closure as a radical process.
There are people who allow themselves a continuous and constant communication with their ex-partner.
The grieving is aggravated when instead of closing the grieving person:
Some even have sexual activity with their ex-partner, which prevents a closing structure from taking place and perpetuates emotional factors that allow sustaining a relationship. irrational belief, "Something connects us", hence the belief in the possibility of returning.
This creates severe emotional complications, as we enter into a game of expectations and heartbreak, with a frustrated intimacy, which significantly affects emotional stability..
I recommend this other article: https://rafaelramoscr.com/pareja/actitudes-agotan-paciencia-danan-el-amor/.
There are people who go through heartbreak, they do a process of analysis from the loss, without measuring what this loss has really implied.
Suddenly a person feels without a partner, and from then on he feels that the world is paralyzed, he lost his life partner, and suddenly he feels tied to loneliness:
This post-breakdown analysis is a distortion of reality, if we are objective and analyze the relationship as such, we could realize that, perhaps in this relationship, they were already diminished;
All this generated multiple processes of frustration, but from the misunderstanding of the breakup, one can long for a relationship that was bad, a deeply dysfunctional relationship, but that, in the face of pain, we feel like a great loss.
It is vitally important before a break-up process, to realize what is really happening.
The person is again alone, without a partner, life is not over, this is a time to analyze what is wanted from life, what is going to be done with life and from there determine what individual actions can contribute to their healthy Emotional development.
Therefore, a person is obliged to resume their social activities, open spaces that allow them to remain active and generate socialization structures that progressively displace the pain by a feeling of self-control.
The person in a heartbreak bereavement, should give importance to retaking studies, courses, readings, working on recovering old friendships, retaking activities that were of their personal taste and preference before they were in this relationship..
Every person must be located in the fact that they are without a partner, that this loneliness is an opportunity for growth, as long as an open mind is allowed to make a healthy, positive and constructive elaboration of the break, this of course, is not going to avoid feeling the pain or the loneliness sometimes is not distressing, but little by little makes this person the protagonist of the events of his life.
In the face of a grieving process due to a breakup, with some frequency, and in the face of mismanagement of loneliness and the recovery of individuality, some people could allow themselves to be close to someone, who is pleasant, understanding, and sympathetic, which could in some cases measure create affective expectations.
This could lead them to consider the possibility of entering a relationship again, this process must be very careful, because then, effectively there is no healthy elaboration of the grief, but there is a strong need to stick to someone to avoid grief.
This could imply a bad relationship, inasmuch as it is an impulsive decision, made, perhaps, from apprehension and frustration, which could create a fragile, fluctuating, changing bond, which at the base has a strong letter of internal insecurity.
It is simple, this new relationship was created out of necessity, it is very important that people allow themselves a period of loneliness, in which they first engage in the reorganization of their individuality, before allowing the establishment of a relationship, which could be nuanced by emotional dependence, in case your grief is not healed first.
A vital element in the development of a grieving process due to heartbreak is to visualize this stage as a process of change and transformation at many levels, being of vital importance that the person:
A healthy elaboration of grief implies working hard to reconceptualize tastes, interests, activities, in such a way that, from the individual, a person feels empowered and self-confident, and then opens up to love, from a perspective of personal fulfillment and no need for company.
A person in the process of mourning has to allow himself in the early stages, once the breakup is understood, the process is integrated, the relationship is ended, and once he has resumed his individuality and elaborated a personal development plan, do a good analysis of those elements that cannot keep you trapped or trapped in a nostalgia that harbors some level of longing and expectations.
Do closing rituals, such as distancing yourself from people who keep you stuck in a social circle, that everything reminds you of your ex, delete or block all those people from your social networks, memories that connect you with your ex-partner.
Remove from his life those objects that may suddenly connect us with pain, modify behavior patterns associated with the ex-partner and even change or modify social environments.
All this aimed at developing an independent lifestyle, with new individual tastes and preferences, acquired from the understanding of the break, is essential for a healthy replacement..
It is understandable that, in the early stages, on a personal level, in the social environment, the issue of the ex-partner is part of the agenda of conversations.
There is a stage in which they constantly talk about how the relationship was and everything that happened around the breakup, this is a central, important issue that to some extent helps to make catharsis, understand and elaborate the duel.
However, there has to come a time when we have to remove the issue from our verbal agenda, because this simply perpetuates us in a series of events that, being without that person today, cease to make sense..
The lesson must be taken, the learning must be taken away, but we cannot be providing a constant tribute to our ex-partner permanently.
There has to come a stage where talking is simply stopped and the verbal content has to be associated with all the development opportunities that a person is taking from the break.
The constant verbalization can imply an emotional stagnation, which delays, stagnates or, eventually, can create a very complex grief that is difficult to elaborate, if the person does not allow himself to leave everything behind at once.
To some extent there are people who, when faced with pain, wonder why this happened to me? What happened? At what point did my life change?
I think that faced with these questions, you have to understand the degrees of objective responsibility that each one has had in this process, suddenly this came to your life, because of your way of being or because of the way of being of your ex-partner, or because together developed a very bad relationship structure.
The truth is that you have to take learning, realize the things that can be modified to prevent this from happening again, but heartbreak is also part of life.
People change, circumstances change, decisions change, motivations for having a relationship also change.
We must understand that, faced with this reality, we have the obligation to modify our history, without thinking that there is dark karma, or that the world is against us, or that the universe has built us a fatal destiny..
In love, it adds what we do and what we stop doing, if heartbreak knocks on our door, it's time to learn to solve.
I hope that this article of reflection, around the elaboration of the duel, can help you understand a series of ordered steps, to get out of a complicated stage.
Every human being has the ability to organize and modify their affective structures, whenever they allow it, it is true sometimes it hurts, it is very complicated, but as Joaquín Sabina would say “the bad thing about dying of love is that one does not die ".
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