The passive communication It is possessed by people who are usually unable to express their thoughts or points of view for fear of confrontation by others. Normally, they are not considered fit to provide judgments or opinions.
It is a very ineffective and maladaptive way of communicating, since the person cannot identify or satisfy their own needs. Sometimes some aggression is mixed with passive behavior, leading to a passive-aggressive communication style.
Some of the signs of people who communicate passively are not communicating what they want, not defending themselves if insulted, not making eye contact, closed non-verbal language or indecision.
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Individuals who have a passive way of communicating tend to speak softly, as if they are apologizing. Sometimes, the few times they do express their opinion, they apologize in advance or try to do so, or say things like "This surely is silly, but ...".
They fail to stand their ground or stand up for what they think to another person and allow others to interfere with their rights and opinions.
They also do not usually express their feelings, views and needs spontaneously..
These people also do not usually make eye contact when talking to someone and adopt inappropriate body language and postures.
The passive communication style also involves a continuous state of anxiety, as these people assume that their lives are out of their control. They are often depressed or feel sick, because their opinions are never expressed out loud.
They tend to be confused if given the opportunity to choose and tend to delegate decisions to others. All this leads to these people feeling angry with themselves..
However, these people rarely show anger or rage towards others. On the contrary, they usually allow complaints, annoyances and aggressions on the part of other people.
On some occasions, these aggressions pile up and give rise to an explosion of anger disproportionate to the incident that occurred (passive-aggressive style). After this explosion, however, they often feel shame, guilt and confusion, so they return to their usual passivity..
This way of communicating has a high impact on the lives of these individuals. Aside from the anxiety and depressive symptoms they often feel as a result of not expressing their emotions, they tend to experience resentment and confusion due to ignorance of their own needs..
They are also often unable to fully mature, as they never face real problems. A passive communicator often behaves as if they are weak and unable to take care of themselves.
Some examples of situations in which a person communicates using this style are:
-A man in a restaurant orders a steak that is well done, and when the waiter brings it, it is rare. When the waiter asks if everything is to his liking, the man answers in the affirmative.
-A group of friends is left to decide what to do during the weekend. One of them is sure that they do not feel like going to the movies, but when someone suggests it, they cannot say no, so they end up spending money and time on something that they do not really want to do, instead of proposing something that could satisfy everyone.
-In high school, classmates ask the same girl for homework every day to copy it. Instead of refusing to put them down, as she makes the effort to complete them every day, she allows her peers to copy them..
Passive communication usually makes the person keep all his opinions to himself and prevents him from letting out and expressing his emotions. This type of people, in this way, accumulates all the problems that lack of expression of emotions entails..
This is dangerous, as it can lead to an outburst of rage, after which you revert to your original state of passivity. This outburst often leads to feelings of guilt and shame..
In addition, the lack of expression of emotions and feelings can give somatoform-type problems in the form of pain that do not have physical causes..
Passive communication style is usually the result of low self-esteem. Self-esteem is defined as the vision that an individual has of their own worth. People who exhibit passive behaviors often think that it is not worth expressing what they feel.
Normally, they think that it is not worth it for people to pay attention or take care of them. They do not usually react or let out their emotions. This causes emotional conflicts to be created that make their self-esteem even lower, thus becoming a vicious circle.
Passive communication is, on many occasions, the result of repressed emotions from a very early age in an environment where submission is valued positively..
Some parents reward children's passivity from a very young age, either on purpose or unconsciously. This positive assessment of submissive behaviors slowly turns into very low self-esteem on the part of the child, which, as a consequence, translates into behavioral habits.
The habit of accepting everything that others say and trying to please them at all costs, when it is deeply ingrained, becomes a form of passive communication in which the individual always hides his opinions to please other people who are involved.
People who communicate passively are not very good at working in groups with other colleagues. It is quite frequent that other members of the group begin to exercise control over them and express feelings of superiority.
Then, there will start to be feelings of frustration and guilt on the part of the affected person due to the continuous suppression of their views. People will tend to take for granted that they will always be there despite the continuous trampling and will try to achieve their goals at their expense..
In work settings, these passive people are often viewed as shirking individuals who are not proactive at work..
Communicating passively is clearly a dysfunctional type of communication, but it can have some advantages. Since these people adapt to the wishes of others, they often avoid conflict. They also have fewer responsibilities, since they delegate decisions to other people and are not usually even part of group decisions.
Also, because the people around them often feel the need to protect them, they have a sense of control over them. Finally, these people feel comfort and security by maintaining and repeating a familiar behavioral pattern..
However, the disadvantages outnumber the advantages. People around passive communicators may tend to protect them, but they tend to lose all respect for them.
As we have discussed before, repressing and internalizing opinions and emotions is very destructive for oneself. There are many ailments caused by the repression of negative emotions, such as migraines, asthma attacks, many skin diseases, ulcers, arthritis, chronic fatigue and hypertension.
These people also suffer from other psychological problems such as high anxiety, depression and social inhibition..
People who behave passively tend to have low self-esteem and have little confidence in themselves. By behaving assertively, you can help make these people feel that their contributions are valued and, in this way, improve their self-esteem and confidence. Remember that it is possible to value someone's contributions without necessarily agreeing with them.
Apart from being assertive with these people, we should encourage them to be assertive as well, so that they can communicate their ideas and emotions freely without feeling pressure to express them..
To encourage these people to be assertive, basic interpersonal skills of listening, reflection, clarification, and questioning can be used. Some of these techniques are as follows:
Encourage them to make the contributions they want to make by asking questions, taking an interest in their opinion and having them join the discussion in group situations.
Asking questions is critical to successful communication, and the person will feel that others are interested in her and what she thinks about the issue at hand. In this way, empathy and respect for the other person and what they have to say is shown and increases the appreciation they feel for themselves.
Listen carefully to what the person has to say before continuing the conversation. If necessary, use techniques to clarify your opinion before responding.
Listening is not the same as hearing; requires attention to both verbal and non-verbal messages, if we are to fully understand what the other person wants to express.
In order for the person speaking to us to know that we are actively listening, it is advisable to maintain eye contact and proper body posture. Through these forms of non-verbal language, even if they are subtle, it shows interest in what the person has to say and encourages them to express themselves.
Encourage the person who tends to communicate passively to be more open in expressing their feelings, wishes, and ideas aloud. In discussions or group work, remember not to take full responsibility when making decisions that should be made jointly.
Try to involve all members to make contributions when deciding. If you know that one of the group members tends to behave passively in group decisions, you can take some time beforehand to discuss their point of view. If you know how he feels, then you can help him express his opinions in the group..
To summarize and finish, here is a list of the main characteristics of these people:
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