The family problems They are very common and have particular characteristics, and it is that they are situations with a high affective content. On the other hand, the relationship between the parties is maintained for a long period of time..
Family problems are situations in which two or more parties are perceived or expressed as incompatible. They can arise in different areas of our daily lives on a regular basis and if they are handled in the right way they can become positive to achieve changes and new ways of relating to each other..
They also generate a high degree of discomfort, because the person not only feels affected by their pain, but also by the damage that the other person may feel, for which they feel a deep appreciation..
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In 1973 Deutsh made a classification of conflicts based on their qualities:
It is the one that exists objectively, and therefore the parties perceive it as such. It manifests itself openly and it is evident.
It is the one that occurs in a situation with an easy solution but is not perceived that way by the parties. The confrontation is generated for a reason that can actually be easily solved. This type of conflict is very frequent in disputes with and between adolescents.
The opposing parties express their discomfort over an event or situation that is not really the reason why the discomfort is generated. What the person argues as the cause of the conflict is not really the main cause that produced it. This type of conflict is common to arise in relationships.
It is the one that does not really confront the parties, but there is a third party responsible for this situation occurring.
It is the one that should happen openly but does not happen that way. The conflict is perceived but not manifested, which prevents it from being resolved.
They are those that occur without there being an objective basis for them to happen. They are those that are generated from misinterpretations, misunderstandings, false attributions to the other person, etc..
Due to the relationships that are established and the characteristics of the members that make them up, there are different types of conflict in the family environment:
They are the ones that appear due to the fact that each person acts, thinks and feels differently. It is inevitable that conflict or crisis situations appear in couples, which if resolved correctly will help personal growth and that of the couple itself..
Most of these confrontations have their origin in misunderstandings that arise on a daily basis. Some of the elements that cause these misunderstandings are:
On a regular basis and especially when we are angry we use a way of expressing ourselves that may not be the most appropriate. In these moments we usually explain our discomfort in the form of reproaches to the other person.
We also use the complaint, most of the time making the other person responsible or guilty of what is happening. Another way of expressing ourselves at this time is by generalizing, using expressions such as "you always do the same thing" or "you never pay attention to me.".
We are stating that always without exception the other person behaves in this way that annoys us, although in most cases this is not real, and causes discomfort in the other person.
In addition, we often use an aggressive communication style that is not appropriate in this type of conflict, because far from helping to solve the problem, it aggravates it and contributes to deteriorating the relationship. This aggressive style is characterized by the use of insults, threats or disrespect.
When one or both members have the feeling of loss of freedom because of the relationship.
Attempts to change the other in their way of being, thinking or even their tastes. This situation generates conflicts very frequently in couples who insist on imposing on the other the way of being or thinking that is considered appropriate.
It is important to accept that the other person is unique and unrepeatable, that is why they have their own tastes or ways of thinking.
Inability to troubleshoot
It's about a lack of training and problem-solving skills; that is, absence of problem solving ability, assertiveness and other.
This type of conflict, in turn, can be divided into other more specific ones depending on the vital stages.
This stage is fundamentally characterized by the development of the person towards their autonomy. It is about learning to do things for yourself, as you are learning what your parents or other significant people around you are doing..
It is in this process towards the autonomy of the child where the conflict usually arises, because the parents do not know how to facilitate this autonomy, because the child has demands that do not coincide with what the parents consider appropriate, because the child is moving in a direction that parents don't want to, etc..
This stage, which is between 12 and 18 years old, is characterized by the rapid changes that the person experiences and by a particular emotional instability. Also at this time is when the main behavior guidelines and values that will govern your life are set.
On a regular basis, the goals of adolescents do not agree with the goals of their parents. Often this stage is the one in which the most conflicts and relationship difficulties arise and also the one in which generational differences are most evident..
This type of conflict usually arises from the different ways of deciding, organizing or living of two people who are already adults and impose their rights to think and act in the way that each one considers most appropriate..
Confrontations between siblings are very common and natural. They usually last a short time and end up solving them by themselves, without the need for parental intervention.
This is very important because it serves as a teaching tool to resolve conflicts in adult life with other people without the need for a third party to intervene..
This stage can be especially conflictive in the family environment because the person who enters the third age undergoes a series of very significant changes. At a biological level, although the individual is well, some aspects deteriorate, the body ages, they are slower in their movements, they lose vision and / or hearing, suffer memory loss, have less strength, etc..
And at the social level, a series of critical events appear, such as retirement, the birth of grandchildren, the loss of loved ones such as a spouse or siblings, etc..
All these events can be experienced in a very dramatic way if the person does not face them with the appropriate attitude and contribute to the appearance of conflicts with other members of the family.
The main thing is to understand the conflict as an opportunity to grow, to find new ways and planes of communication.
It is advisable to be able to solve problems that arise within the family environment, without having to seek help from third parties, because this will teach us strategies to solve problems in other areas and will prevent the relationship from deteriorating.
Some of the strategies that we can implement to solve the problems are:
This type of listening is what we do when we are attending to what the other person wants to convey to us and also the other person knows that we are understanding them. With this strategy, many misunderstandings can be avoided if before answering we make sure that we have understood what the other person wants to say or express to us..
As we have seen in the section on couple conflicts, when we are angry we do not usually express our discomfort in the most appropriate way. It is about replacing the reproaches with which we blame the other party for what happens by the expression of what we feel or what the situation hurts us.
It is about explaining what we want without harming the other person. In addition to avoiding the deterioration of the relationship, it will help us find a solution to the problem. It is also important not to just express what bothers us, but it is convenient to propose alternatives or solutions to the problem.
Just as important is that we express what causes us discomfort, as the other person does. It is very common for family discussions to take the floor from each other.
With this we are prioritizing what we want to say, instead of listening to what others want to convey to us, but both are necessary.
Although we find ourselves in conflict with family members, they are still people we love and value and it is important to let them know. On many occasions, expressing affection reduces the tension caused by the conflict.
Faced with a conflict, it is usual to look for who wins and who loses in the dispute. But the appropriate thing is to find a common point and work to solve it together. In this way all members obtain a satisfactory solution, solutions are sought with the needs and interests of all members in mind..
Usually faced with a conflict, we only see the negative of the situation and even the negative that the other person does or says, in many cases reaching to imagine or guess what the other thinks, getting into a loop of negativity that only helps us to feel ourselves still worse and hinder the agreement.
Instead of focusing on these negative aspects, we can take advantage of the positive aspects of the conflict, see it as an opportunity to speak, to know the other's point of view, to get to know ourselves better. It is not about denying the conflict, but about using it to move forward, to get the most out of the situation..
On many occasions it is highly advisable to postpone a discussion. This does not mean avoiding it or leaving it in oblivion, but rather looking for a moment in which the emotional load is less and we feel calmer to control the negative emotions that arise in those moments before the conflict.
It will allow us to express in a more adequate way what we want to transmit and listen to the other in a more receptive way. It may also be convenient to find a place where the two people feel comfortable to be able to talk..
When the conflict goes one step further and the parties involved need the action of a third party to resolve them, they can be managed through different resources:
The goal is to help families find a way to collaborate and deal with family conflicts. They will also learn appropriate strategies and skills to solve problems.
Process by which the parties, before a third party that neither proposes nor decides, contrast their claims trying to reach an agreement.
It is a legal institution, a neutral third party that seeks communication between the parties so that they reach a satisfactory agreement for both.
It is an institution designed to resolve conflicts between subjects of a legal relationship, which consists of the appointment of a third party whose decision is imposed by virtue of the commitment acquired by the parties.
It is a process designed to act in the case of legal conflicts through a mandatory final resolution, issued by State bodies..
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