The secret of personal success Self-esteem and empathy

A few days ago, I was talking about this topic with a friend and she told me Will you really write about self-esteem and empathy together, with everything that needs to be said about each one separately?

And he's right, so many things have been written about self-esteem, and so many others about empathy, that perhaps it might seem to you that now you will read more of the same, but the truth is that I want to show you another point of view, in which properly self-esteem will do That you develop your way of empathizing with others, while putting yourself in their place from time to time, understanding and helping them, will reinforce the value you make about yourself.

The self-esteem

The self-esteem It is low or adequate, because "having high self-esteem" is a term that, although it refers from common sense, does not have acceptance by specialists, for them that phrase has more to do with narcissism, which also moves away from adequately self-esteem.

How do I know if I value and esteem myself enough? I could give you a thousand answers, I choose a few that rarely fail:

• You don't compete with others to look better, better job, better car, you experience success as a real sensation, far from banalities and ephemeral appearances.

• You are not afraid to undertake new ideas, you feel with the total capacity to take on challenges, you know that you must prepare and make an effort, and you will achieve it.

• You choose healthy spaces and companies, that contribute to your personal development, eliminating all the toxic that is around you.

• You look at life with an optimistic eye, aware that difficulties will always be there, but your good humor and energy will help you eliminate or deal with them.

A healthy self esteem, shows a person who is self-confident, confident and away from anything that brings a taste of frustration, a vital element to be willing to understand and help others by placing themselves in "their shoes", what we generally know as empathy.

Quality-competence-characteristic-etc ... which constitutes the favorite topic of so many people, professionals or not, regardless of their specialty, a topic that seems like a “truism”, which by dint of being so repeated, we have no doubt that what it is, but it has undoubtedly become a social disease.

Goleman, a well-known American psychologist author of the Best seller Emotional intelligence, defined that "Self-awareness is the faculty on which empathy is built, since the more open we are to our own emotions, the greater our skill in understanding the feelings of others"; even though they don't communicate it in words.

You might think: I don't have to have adequate self-esteem to connect emotionally with others! And you're right, but ... knowing yourself is the first step to being able to accept you, and when you accept yourself as you are you get closer to loving yourself and valuing yourself, and this is self-esteem.

It is emotional competencies that define success (genuine and achieved), beyond IQ, that has been demonstrated in recent decades, based on research and real testimonies of academically "intelligent" people who "do not consider they deserve" to be employees of others with less intellectual “brilliance” but who have no problems establishing social relationships and influencing others.

Lack of empathy accomplishes the same as lowered and narcissistic self-esteem

1. Urgent need to compete with the other to demonstrate an "I am more valuable", not only impossible to achieve, but also to believe, even for those who want to convince of it.

2. Denial of the social role while remaining slaves of a quasi-sick individualism, in the desire each day more distant, to achieve the personal fulfillment that is needed to get to "love yourself as you are".

How many times have you hurt in your relationship with your partner, with your child, with your parents, friends or colleagues after the shield of "protecting your self-esteem by thinking more about you"?

Going over the feelings of others, not trying to understand what motivates their behavior or their affections, remaining deaf to the emotions of others is not just a terrible lack of empathy, It is also a sign of a selfish need to "not lose myself in the other, navigating the murky waters of their problems, after all I have mine".

We see people harassed victims of "differences" assumed as threats by others, we are witnesses of severe economic crises, bearers of a slogan "for himself who can", after the promise of a world so "modernized" and changing, it seems that we live in a jungle where sincere, healthy and solid human relationships are scarce.

But it is encouraging news that I bring you:

First that self-esteem and empathy are developed, fed and trained, so you are on time!!!!!!

Second that you can do your part to change things, if you have a baby or will have one, it is your main mission to teach him to be a safe, assertive and empathetic future adult, showing him that you love him, maintaining open communication, recognizing his achievements and encouraging him in his failures, show him how his behaviors harm other people and how to take an interest in them…. And other forms that could even be the content of another post!!!!

Third that authentic relationships, without poses or pretenses, what makes us human, is the only thing truly lasting, there is hardly a better food for existence, having adequate self-esteem gives you security and peace, and being empathetic the possibility of cultivating yourself, growing and learn from your relationship with the other.

I invite you not to miss this opportunity.