The 10 rules of the good listener and the good speaker

Know the good listener rules and the good speaker will help you understand how communication works.

We have two ears and one mouth. It is said that nothing is chance and there is no reason to think that this is. There are those who claim that if you have two ears it is because you have to pay twice as much attention to what you hear, In addition to the fact that it may be essential to listen in two directions, it is worth saying: to the opposites.

Regarding speech, of no less importance in terms of its uniqueness and geographical location within the body, we can intuit that the fact of being one and being in the center (between the two ears, between the head and the heart) may require we are extremely careful when using it, not to allow anything that does not reconcile these opposites. 

Next, we are going to explore the norms, which are a reflection map on how we can make these two acts, so everyday and intertwined, acts of full consciousness, which allow us effective communication, which translates: an adequate tool for relationship with the others. 

It should be noted that listening and speaking goes beyond the use of the ears and mouth, it is done with the whole body, and here the mind and emotions play a crucial role. 

Standards of the good listener or receiver

1. Listen to the speaker

Seems simple. Listening is paying full attention to what the other is saying. It's not about the ears working, it's about being present with your mind and your heart when someone is speaking.

2. Look carefully at the speaker

To look is to show interest in the other. It is difficult to speak when the listener looks the other way, it is as if they said to us without words: "I don't care what you have to say"

3. Do not interrupt the speaker

Interruptions when a person is speaking are the type of body language that says: "shut up" or "what I have to say is more important than what you are saying", it is invalidating the message that the other has to deliver.. 

4. Talk when the other finishes his idea

It is true that sometimes people reach out to explain their points of view and it can become repetitive and, as a consequence, we lose attention or the desire to listen, but it is important to wait for the other to finish their idea to offer our point of view.

5. Have criteria to discern what is heard

This is spun to the above. Discernment is what allows us to realize when an idea has already been fully exposed, for which we must be attentive.

6. Give to understand that the message received was understood.

A gesture, an "Aha", a "clear", or an "I understand you", are an open door on the other side that indicates to the speaker that their word enters, is processed and returns, like an echo that returns a: " I'm here".

7. Do not offend the speaker

One of the things that can damage communication the most is an offense. That the other express an idea should not be a reason for attacks, even if they think differently.

8. Hear the message avoiding prejudices

The prejudice is to assume that my values ​​must be the same as the person speaking. When I judge it from my perspective, I am preventing the other from being free to be who they are in front of me.. 

9. Don't laugh while the other talks

Laughter or a mocking attitude invalidates the other's word, it is an offensive gesture.  

10. Maintain an attitude of active listening 

We already talked about the importance of body language. A listening posture is listening with the whole body. 

Norms of the good speaker or issuer

1. Think before you speak

With the two cerebral hemispheres, with the reason and the heart.

2. Look carefully at the listener

"The eyes are the mirror of the soul", looking into the eyes is communication between souls.

3. Pronounce the words properly

For others to understand us, adequate vocalization is essential, otherwise the other will spend it trying to guess what we want to transmit. 

4. Speak in an appropriate tone of voice

The grandparents said: "It's not Miguelito but the tonito." Emotions modulate the tone of the voice. You have to pay attention to this: We can say something like: “calm”, but the tone speaks of the war that is inside. 

5. Let others speak when they want to express something

The act of communicating is two-way. We must read in the environment when we are fatigued others with our monologues and allow the echoes to arrive. 

6. Be polite and respectful when speaking

The tone, the absence of judgment and the timeliness of the opinions are the keys to this rule..

7. Do not speak at the same time as the others

It has to do with the rules of listening, do not interrupt the other when he speaks, which results in invalidating your word.

8. Try not to say profanity or vulgarity

This is a matter of learning to use the same codes as the other, without pretending offenses.

9. Express yourself in a clear and simple way

Also here it is important to know the other's codes. Using a technical language of our profession in front of a child or an uneducated person is to ensure that the message does not get through.

10. Be as precise as possible when expressing an idea

This rule is very important especially in matters of discussion, as it is about sticking to talking about the facts and not the interpretations we make of the possible intentions of others in front of them. Avoid assumptions. 

11. Maintain body language according to what you are talking about.

Go back and play the golden key of the posture: It speaks of the whole body, that just as the mouth is one, the body is aligned with the message that is given.

Note: To understand with literature what a good listener is, I recommend the first chapters of Momo, a novel by Michael Ende.

If you liked this article and want to learn more about the fascinating world of communication, keep reading: The importance of communication in relationship problems