The communication styles The main ones are the passive, assertive and aggressive, being accepted that the assertive is the most suitable to establish personal relationships and communicate. Each person is closer to one style or another, no one communicates in a totally passive, aggressive or assertive way.
Communication is a capacity, as well as a need, typical of the human being whose abilities develop and improve throughout our existence. With it, we transfer the information related to our emotions, expectations, feelings, data, opinions, etc. Communication helps us grow both personally and at the group level.
Seen from a more defining point of view, communication is considered a dynamic process in which three elements intervene: the sender (transmits the message), the receiver (receives the message) and the channel (medium through which the message is transmitted). message).
A communication always aims to obtain a response. This response is considered the purpose of carrying out the message. When the response we receive from the receiver matches the one we expected, the communication is considered to have been effective.
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Each communication style can be described based on the components of social skills that the individual uses. Each person has a communication style that predominates in relation to the other two.
Although it is true that we usually communicate more frequently in one of these styles, depending on our interlocutor, the topic or the given situation, we can rotate between the three styles that exist.
For example, if we find ourselves in an environment that we consider unsafe, such as work, we will most likely adopt a passive communication style. On the contrary, in the family environment we tend to adopt a style between aggressive and assertive, due to the trust that this environment generates in us..
Some of these styles will help us to facilitate relationships with others, while others will make it difficult by affecting the bond that unites us with that person. The facilitating factors of communication are all those that contribute to reduce the effort that the receiver has to make to understand the message..
These factors generate in this individual a positive and collaborative attitude, benefiting the relationship between sender-receiver. Thus, it will depend on the communication style that we use to communicate, that our message reaches the receiver as we have wanted to emit it from the beginning and is not misinterpreted..
Below we describe each of the three communication styles: assertive, aggressive and passive.
This style is the intermediate between the aggressive and the passive style and is characteristic of people who are able to defend their own interests and opinions while respecting that others have theirs. It is the only communication style that facilitates the relationship between people.
The assertive person knows how to defend their rights at the same time that they disagree and also understand and respect the points of view of their interlocutor. They are usually people who enjoy good self-esteem, have self-confidence and are confident.
They look for satisfactory solutions in communication for both parties without any intention of manipulation. Ultimately, they feel relaxed and in control of the situation, which facilitates communication. They like themselves and they like others. These people usually use "I" messages, that is, messages such as: "I think", "I believe", "I wish" ...
The communication skills that people with an assertive style usually have are:
These people adapt to each context where the interaction with the other individual takes place, managing to communicate in the most optimal way possible in each situation..
This style favors affection and strengthens family ties at an educational level, teaches how to resolve conflicts in a respectful way, establishes rules well and uses contingencies appropriately. All these aspects will help the person to develop autonomously and maturely as they approach adulthood..
His non-verbal behavior is characterized by a friendly and relaxed facial expression. They stare at their interlocutor, but always respecting the necessary breaks. They smile frequently and face the other person but always respecting personal spaces.
They use firm gestures frequently, but without being threatening. He is attentive to what his interlocutor wants to convey to him by asking appropriate questions and, also responding optimally, to the type of question he receives from the other individual.
In relation to verbal behavior, they use the first person singular of each verb to openly show their own opinions and ideas, emotions, and feelings.
Although it is the most effective communication style, it is quite difficult to be assertive in all situations and with all people. However, there are methods and tools that help us increase the fluency and frequent use of this style..
I am going to put an example. We are in a group debate, in which your opinion differs from the rest of the participants, how would this style act?
An assertive person would defend their opinions and if the situation arose that other people did not agree with them, they would understand and respect it..
Thanks to this style, the feelings that one has every time one interacts are of satisfaction, security and emotional control and of the situation.
People who use this style try to impose their judgment and achieve their goals without caring about the opinion or feelings of their interlocutor. The modus operandi of these individuals is the use of strategies such as threats, intimidation, sarcasm, accusations, feelings of guilt, anger and reproaches.
At no time is the rights that others should have in mind and their language tends to have an excess of expressions such as: "you have to ...", "you must ...", "I'm not going to let you ...", interrupting the the other person's speech and giving orders. His behavior is self-centered..
His verbal behavior will be characterized by a high and cold tone of voice preventing intonation, he speaks fast and fluently, making use of monologues and with very little interval between one intervention and another, not letting his interlocutor give his opinion. In addition, they make use of an imperative verb mood.
They criticize the behavior of others, even spreading insults towards the other. They do not show any type of interest in their interlocutors, answering the questions that are asked with another question, and even ignoring them.
The characteristic features of their non-verbal behavior are usually a forward body, a penetrating gaze with signs of tension or constant anger, excessive threatening gestures towards their recipient, a tense face, invasion of the other person's living space by positioning themselves face to face, among others..
These behaviors provoke feelings in the other person of tension, lack of control, a bad image in relation to the issuer, humiliation, frustration and rejection.
If we took the group debate situation as an example in the case of assertive language, the reply in the case of aggressive style would be totally different..
In this case, the individual would intervene in the debate abruptly and expose his ideas above those of the other participants, without showing any kind of interest in my decisions..
The individuals who are characterized by this style, inhibit their behavior in order to avoid any confrontation with another person instead of being respected. They have an excessive need and concern to please others and often feel misunderstood by others or manipulated.
They tend to be doubtful in relation to their interventions in communication with other people, making use of phrases such as "Eh ... well, maybe ..." "mmm, maybe ...".
They are people who do not like to attract attention and do whatever it takes to avoid it. They are not involved in the issues and show conformity to the decisions of others, putting the wishes and opinions of others before their own.
Although the person does not show his opinion by carrying out a conformist attitude, this is received by his interlocutor as a sample of an attitude of insecurity and fear in the face of the situation.
His verbal behavior is represented by an excessively low and hesitant tone of voice. The intonation is monotonous, the speech is choppy and the speed is either very fast (due to nerves) or excessively slow. The sentences are short, even sometimes using only monosyllables.
He often uses the conditional mood, without affirmative statements and frequent hesitant phrases. Your answers have as few words as possible.
Their non-verbal behavior is characterized by a head and / or downcast gaze, a serious facial expression, or a shy smile. The posture and movements are rigid, distant and stooped and avoiding being face to face with the interlocutor. Frequent affirmation with movements of the head. Avoid physical and eye contact.
At a physiological level, nervous movements of the arms and legs and sweaty hands are usually frequent. This style is usually the cause of feelings of anxiety, irritation, resentment, disgust and frustration in the individual. In addition, as we have already seen, these individuals tend to have low self-esteem and maintaining this style of communication only increases this low self-esteem..
In the same situation proposed above, this style would choose to keep quiet, thinking that if everyone thinks in the same way, I should adapt my ideas to theirs so that they are the same as those of other people.
Communication barriers are those factors that make it difficult or impede the proper reception and interpretation of the message we want to transmit..
If the information issued reaches our interlocutor distorted, this can take on a different meaning than what we intended, causing poor effectiveness in the interaction. There are various barriers in communication between two or more people that make effective relationships difficult. These barriers can be divided into 3 types:
We must not forget the perception of each individual, which undoubtedly affects the meaning and interpretation of the information received..
To end this article, I would like to quote a paragraph from Herbert. G. Lingren, who defines very fully what a good assertive style is:
“I speak because I know my needs, I doubt because I do not know yours. My words come from my life experience. Your understanding comes from yours. Therefore, what I say, and what you hear, may not be the same. So if you listen carefully, not only with your ears, but also with your eyes and your heart, we may be able to communicate. "
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