Rocío has decided to break up with her boyfriend. According to her, Luis did not love her, he did not treat her as she deserved and she was tired of waiting for her to change. Then I remembered and realized that this guy in question is the same guy who took her on a trip every few months even though he made little money, helped her with college assignments that even the nerd in her class couldn't beat, he never forgot the anniversary or his birthday. Not even the dog's birthday.
What was this boy's unforgivable flaw? He never told her he loved her. And since he didn't tell her, she thought he didn't value her enough. It is done.
Juan complained that his girlfriend only knew how to tell him that she loved him very much. Or that he could almost write a book with the hundreds of super sweet, gooey, sweetened, and super sugary phrases he can think of to tell you.. Yes indeed. Don't move a finger for it. And he values the details.
In the realm of life as a couple, we always complain about problems of all kinds. Some are more visible; like constantly arguing, the manias of one and the other, the lack or excess of sex ... And others go more unnoticed. It may be that in a couple there is a lot of love and affection and yet they do not perceive it because they express it in a different language.
Many times we complain that we do not receive tokens of love from our partner. Maybe it is that we lead ourselves in that we can only receive love in a concrete way, the one that we would like. But we ignore the effort that other person makes for us. Each one expresses himself in a different way.
Not feeling loved in a relationship can be very frustrating and disappointing. It generates insecurity, which at first is mitigated by understanding and empathy, but sooner or later, it encourages differences to become impossible to navigate oceans, criticism and attacks appear in discussions and requests become demands that we satisfy out of guilt, fear, or obligation.
Each person expresses, feels, understands, gives and receives love in different ways. In the same way as in languages, love has different languages, and if your partner does not feel loved, you may be transmitting in the wrong language.
Feeling loved is a vital need for our well-being, in fact it is one of our basic needs, and when in the framework of relationships this ceases to occur, the distance is increasingly noticeable.
If you speak one language and your partner speaks another, there will be no way to understand you and your love tanks will be empty, that is, you will not feel loved. It is then when insecurities, reproaches and endless discussions appear that all they do is end up undermining the stability of the relationship.
If you want to prevent this from happening, the key is to learn the other person's language.
The doctor Gary Chapman distinguish 5 love languages (1995) in his work of the same name. Or rather, 5 general ways to express love. Either our partner, which will be where we focus the most, but also friends, family ... in short, our entire circle of close people. We express these languages with:
We verbalize love by talking. We say I love you, we recite poetry, we say things that question our integrity at times ... Or we express it with words of encouragement, support, gratitude. Words are valuable. Everything that has a name is part of our reality.
And our intention changes towards people when we address them one way or another. Appreciate your expressions well, and also the expressions of your partner.
This is the language of people who need words to feel loved.
If this is the main love language of your partner, it is very possible that he asks you to recognize his actions, his efforts, his successes and his virtues. Affirm your partner with words and give him the appreciation he needs.
Using this language is also knowing how to give the necessary encouragement at the moment when our partner needs a push to get out of their fears and be able to achieve their purposes.
In order to do so, it is important to empathize with her and see the world through her eyes.. Encouragement is not to do what we want, it is to give you the courage you need to achieve your dreams.
How to learn this language? If you are not a person of words, you can start with little practices. Listening to your partner's requests can help you figure out what exactly they need. Little by little, and immediately you will see the change in attitude of the person you love, which will encourage you to continue learning. In the end, with practice you will find a space of comfort to continue expressing in words.
Maybe that boy or that special girl is not very talkative. But he does know how to listen, and takes his time to do so.
Words are his weak point, but he knows how to handle the time he dedicates exclusively to you better than anyone. The time we spend with others is greatly undervalued. There are girls who value more that the boy invites them to dinner instead of whether the restaurant is expensive or not. Because that means that he prefers to spend time with you instead of dedicating it to other things.
The value of a person is also reflected in how he spends his time. And finding a place for these people is a sign that they are important to you.. A page in your agenda can be a sincere show of love.
Giving our full time and attention is a powerful communicator of love. And by complete, I mean to give your full attention, without mobile phones, without computers, without television, without press ... with nothing else to distract you.. The important thing is the person in front of you, the person you are listening to and so you show it by dedicating all your time.
Quality time can be doing some activity together with a common purpose, enjoying each other, as well as spaces for conversations where you can communicate experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires..
This involves expressing who you are to generate intimacy. If you do not know what your partner feels or thinks, you stop knowing her, and you cannot be emotionally close to someone you do not know. It is an invisible wall that displaces the emotional security that feeling loved or loved offers..
There are people who have been disconnected from their feelings for so long that it is difficult for them to recognize them. If this is your case, the first step to learning this language is to accept that we are all emotional beings and that education and life experiences have favored this disconnection in you..
Practice entering your inner world, paying attention to what is moving inside you, to the signals that your body is giving, to reconnect little by little with your feelings and emotions.
Gifts are very treacherous. We can come to judge the affection of that person based on the gift we give him. And many think about it and try to "buy" the love of that special person based on expensive gifts without them coming to mind..
All that being removed, the gift represents that: First, you have been spending time looking for it, and during that time you have had that person in mind. And second, you have sacrificed part of your resources or your time so that that other person has that detail.
Although the real power of the gift lies in the surprise factor. It doesn't matter how expensive or how much. What matters is the moment and how you receive it.
The attitude of love is always accompanied by giving.
It is indifferent if they are bought, found or made by hand, the important thing is that the other person has been thinking about you, what you may like and what can make you happy. The gift is just a symbol of those thoughts.
Still, the most precious gift is the gift of oneself. Being in the moments when your partner needs you or are important to her. This is one of the easiest languages to learn.
When we talk about services, we mean doing things for the other. Like cooking, cleaning, fixing things, making long trips ... These are things we do without expecting anything in return. Just because we know that our partner will be happy with it. Yes, I know what you are thinking. Altruism is very nice, but it is also a very simple way to take advantage of others. truth?
Can be. But remember that what is given to you for free, is taken away from you for free. So do not cry when in the future you are deprived of these services for not knowing how to thank them properly.
It is important to insist that these acts are done freely. It is decided to do them out of love to show the other person that you love them, not out of fear, manipulation, or guilt. And always respecting you, otherwise we would be talking about a toxic and insane love.
You may have to break with beliefs or stereotypes that stand in the way of learning more love languages other than your own. If you still decide to continue on the path, in addition to making your partner feel loved, you will be on a path of personal growth and development..
It is very rare to conceive of a formal love relationship if you touch the other person as if they were a porcupine. Nor will you have a good answer if that hand goes first to more "private" parts of the body, rather than a caress on the cheek, for example. We have said that words are important, but touch also conveys messages. Manage your body language. Use your touch with more "touch".
Physical contact is a great communicator of love. In fact, various investigations have concluded that children who have been kissed and hugged in their childhood, develop a healthier emotional life.
In adulthood, we also need this contact to generate intimacy and closeness. It can be holding hands, kissing, hugging, having sex ...
And these are the five ways to express love according to Chapman. Although the interesting thing about all this is not to self-classify in one style or another and that's it. We are all trained to express ourselves in the 5 ways. So, as a conclusion to this article, we can review 4 truths about the expression of love:
Many times, the error is that we ignore the thoughts of the other. And no one is trained to read anyone's mind. It looks like a drawer. But believe me. Many couples break up because they do not know how to manage things as simple as this. So now you know, keep developing your language.
It is not something that is learned in a day, but dedication and practice pay off, Over time you will feel more comfortable or comfortable with the expression of another affective language, your partner and your relationship will thank you.
If you want to hit someone emotionally and / or improve your life as a couple, this is one of the most effective ways.
Now that you know the five languages of love, it will be easier for you to identify which is yours and which is your partner's..
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