My boyfriend is not romantic

Recently in the radio program in which I participate weekly, whose theme was: "People who do not enjoy romantic moments", a listener shared: I am romantic, I adore the idea of ​​flowers, surprise dinners and walks under the moon, but he doesn't flinch with those things, he only does it if I ask him, he's not romantic and that shocks me a lot, so ... (he asks me): should I assume that he doesn't love me and finish with him?

My answer almost without thinking was: he has few opportunities to win your heart as long as you continue to think that romanticism is just the stereotype of giving flowers, dedicating songs and watching the sunset sighing together ...

His silence on the other end of the line showed me that he was surprised and perhaps also bothered by my answer, after a few seconds he inquired ... and what else is romanticism??

And that is the topic that I want to share with you today, my dear readers, the idea of ​​romanticism as something "old-fashioned", "soft", "corny"; refuted by the idea that romanticism is basic and essential to have not only a close, stable and solid relationship, but to qualify all our interpersonal relationships with near and dear ones of that "I am interested in you and I show it to you" , which makes incredible connections between people and makes us human.

That disdain with which many treat romanticism today has made us lose part of our values ​​as citizens and also our good manners; Considering that being romantic makes us old, it is a way of considering that empathy, sensitivity, kindness and interest in the needs of the other do not matter, that they are secondary to our life purpose and to what is “really transcendent”…. Job success, material things, status? Charles Chaplin said: “We think too much and we don't feel enough. We need more a human spirit than the mechanization. More than intelligence, we need kindness and kindness ".

In my professional experience, it is not possible to lead a full life or achieve personal fulfillment suffering from sensitivity and a positive assessment of the small details that friends, partner and family provide us as psychological support to remain emotionally healthy, without internal corrosion, without bitterness, without unhealthy competition with others; before judging the categorical of this that I comment…. Reflection… what and how much of everything achieved in life can we take with us? When we reach most of the goals that we set, do we already feel so satisfied that we do not want anything else??

"Life is a journey", says a popular proverb that we ignore due to its simplicity, but which contains something essential: we do not have one life to achieve "things" and another to feel happy, therefore the true goal is to live our only life struggling to achieve things that feed us psychologically, emotionally, and this without romanticism…. It is unlikely.

So from this idea of ​​seeing romanticism as what is in essence: sensitivity, We could add to our radio listener that we all have a very particular way of seeing, thinking and feeling things., the personality is unique and unrepeatable, (That great teacher who is Fernando González Rey told us in each class) therefore our partner, although it does not enter our label of what is romantic, it can be so in its own way if:

• gives us something that we needed or that fits better with our way of being than a bouquet of flowers
• He is in charge of doing something that we had pending when he knows that our day would be very busy

And many other creative and different ways that can be used to express love, affection, interest and commitment for the other.

Not being romantic is to consider that we already have our partner safe, and that therefore details are not necessary to make her fall in love every day; Knowing our partner is a valuable tool that helps us to be romantic with her, adapting our tactics to what that special person we want by our side would enjoy more, to what would give more value.

Couple love and romanticism are not soap opera clichés, they are elements that keep a real relationship alive, interested in being a complement and not a mere company, getting rid of myths and stereotypes and not losing the essential: sensitivity, is the main idea I wanted to share with you.

“Love is the ultimate meaning of everything that surrounds us. It is not a simple feeling, it is the truth, it is joy and it is at the origin of all creation ". Rabindranath Tagore

Bibliographic references:

Berne, Eric (1986): GAMES PEOPLE PLAY The Psychology of Human Relationship. Editorial Diana, Mexico

González, Fernando (1993): Personality, health and way of life. UNAM IZTACALA. Mexico.