Myths of romantic love in teenage couples

Do we live in a truly egalitarian society? It is possible that many, both young and old, will answer yes. Although there have been obvious changes, these are still insufficient. There are still sexist beliefs around couple relationships that make it difficult to establish healthy relationships, causing acceptance and tolerance of abusive behaviors towards the partner.

These ideals are present in our society in the form of myths that represent a disfigured reality. But is it that important? Let's see why. But first I propose a little riddle: She is a studious, sweet, responsible, somewhat shy girl, which makes her even more charming, innocent, fearful, with an angelic face, a virgin ... what we could consider a "good girl".

He is from the world, although conflictive, with a problematic past and present that conditions him when establishing sentimental relationships, mysterious, dangerous… a “tough guy”. What movie / book are we talking about?

For those who have thought of Three meters above the sky, my congratulations, you have succeeded. For those who have thought about Twilight, also. And in 50 shades of gray… Surely you can find many more examples. These books are the ones that young people read, the best-sellers that are later taken to the big screen for greater diffusion ... but what exactly are they spreading??

The idea of ​​what love is, that is, the myths of romantic love. And these what are?

• Beliefs that are posed in such a way that they seem true, even though they are not.

• They involve a strong emotional charge, in this case, romantic. They appeal to the desire to find a partner, to love and be reciprocated, to receive affection ...

• They not only concentrate ideas, but also behavior patterns, that is, how to behave because it is what expected, normal, appropriate.

• All the above aspects make them internalized quickly and socially shared. They are easy to understand concepts, sold in an attractive way to a vast audience.

• And this makes them resistant to change.

Specifically, romantic love is characterized by a total surrender to the couple, thus justifying doing everything for them, since "love has no limits", it is capable of leaving everything for love and, in fact, it must be done to demonstrate it, Well, when you love so much, "the rest doesn't matter." Ideas that, as we have just seen, although false, are widely spread:

Babi entering the dangerous world of illegal racing, to which Hache belongs; Bella wanting to be turned into a vampire to spend the rest of eternity with Edward; Anastasia agreeing to try sexual practices to satisfy Christian ... Science fiction or not, the truth is that the ideas are there and they penetrate deep into the young.

And it is that the set of cultural values ​​and beliefs is a factor that increases the probability of exerting violence in the couple, as it is the breeding ground, from which what is going to be internalized is going to be internalized. should or it should not be done. These influence the rest of the factors, and it is that a wrong idea about what is love and how to show it can lead to abusive behavior towards the partner.

Myths about dating relationships often reflect traditional gender roles, thereby transmitting and perpetuating macho ideology.

Assuming that these beliefs were not born now, but are found in us, in our society and it is about mentalities that, unfortunately, remain stable over time, being instilled from an early age, It seems absurd to think that the youngest are protected from exercising or experiencing gender violence.

While it is true that adolescents have more information about what violence is, how to recognize it and how to avoid it, they are also inevitably exposed to a myriad of sexist propaganda that will make them believe that certain behaviors are appropriate, tolerable, even desirable in order to achieve and keep a partner.

At this point, it is important to point out that, when young people begin the transition from child to adult, there is a separation with their family nucleus. They need to differentiate themselves. Parents are no longer the go-to figures, the ones they will turn to for support and advice. Now they will be his equals: friends of the same age, with the same problems. The only ones capable of understanding them. It is important to take this into account, because when they do not know how to act or need to validate their beliefs or behaviors, they will go to them, who have access to the same information and exposed to the same media..

What are the objectives of this article?

It is intended, in the first place, to expose and report on what the current situation is and what are the beliefs that sustain unequal relationships. We cannot stop these messages, but we can know them in order to be alert and to be able to rework them according to our convictions.

Second, make younger people understand that they are not passive subjects who must endure abusive behavior by their partners, that it is not "normal" and that they deserve better treatment..

And finally, remind adults that adolescents are equally susceptible to experiencing this problem, that it can be just as serious and that it is in their power to set a good example and help the youngest..

Myths of romantic love in young people

Romantic love is mythologized -not only by the youngest-, with preconceived ideas about what each member of the couple should feel or how to act, which leads to consent to control behaviors and even normalize them, in pursuit of love. Series, movies, television shows, commercials, songs ... teenagers are constantly bombarded by these ideas.

Perhaps many of the phrases that appear below may seem exaggerated to many of the readers - I hope so - but, unfortunately, for many others they will seem normal.

"Love can do everything" "With my love I will make it change"	Love must be demonstrated and accompanied by respect, sincerity, mutual appreciation, trust, etc., and it will never justify violent acts.
"She is my better half" "We were predestined to be together"	Assuming that this couple is the only one possible, entails accepting unhealthy situations, coming to submit to the wishes or demands of the other.
"I like that my boyfriend / girlfriend is jealous, so he shows me that he loves me"	Jealousy is an expression of domination and possession, not love.
"To love is to suffer" "I will bear whatever is for him / her" "It is an act of love"	Enduring any type of violent situation feeds a vicious circle preventing it from having an end. It has no merit to bear it.
"It is normal for a couple to have their pluses and minuses, it is not so bad" "They call anything mistreatment"	Arguing to solve a problem does not have to include insults, humiliation, humiliation or violence. Downplaying it is not a solution.
"He has ever insulted me but I know he loves me" "There are couples whose way of relating is like this"	It is a toxic form of relationship. Insults, disqualification, humiliation ... are mistreatment and should not be normalized or justified.

In conclusion, love is not something magical And the initial infatuation is not going to last forever. A healthy relationship is built daily and jointly between the two members of the couple, based on essential aspects such as mutual respect, trust, affection and good communication..