Blood, Iago, blood!
These are the famous words that William Shakespeare -who has completed 400 years of having died a few days ago-, puts in the mouth of one of his most emblematic characters: Othello. The phrase resonates in the ears of any fan of classical theater, of course; but he also does it every day (albeit unconsciously) in the mind of almost any lover who is eaten by the monster of jealousy.
But let's go by parts. About forty percent of the population admits to having suffered from jealousy without justification at least once in a lifetime, which means that jealousy is, to some extent, a natural feeling in human beings.
Getting jealous has to do -essentially- with the envy childish to believe that everything belongs to us; the child in his tyrant stage (in his first three years and up to five in more acute cases) assumes that you have rights to anything you have or want. A normal mechanism that if it does not have a brake establishing limits on the part of the parents, in adulthood it can transform into whim, insecurity, and fear of losing control about what you have or want.
As you can see, we all feel jealousy and envy, at least intermittently and from childhood..
However, the story of Othello, the courageous and noble but not emotionally intelligent, Moorish general who falls out of love for a sweet maiden named Desdemona, provides us with a sample of the much deeper and perverted mechanism that has to do with jealousy and that develops when that infantile thought is prolonged and remains permanently in the adult stage; this personality disorder is called Celotypic-type Delusional Disorder by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM, for its acronym in English).
The DSM is an essential tool for almost any field that bases its actions on the study of the human mind and behavior. Its use is very important because it presents us with a clear range between what can be considered normal and what is not.. Abnormality is not necessarily synonymous with disease, but it does mean that something goes outside certain limits that are presented in most individuals, that is, it goes outside the norm.
In this sense, the DSM makes a forceful reference to the type of uncontrolled thinking and behavior or jealousy that is out of the norm: celotípia: “The central theme of this idea delirious is that the couple has a lover or is unfaithful. This idea is based on wrong inferences supported by small evidence, such as stains on the sheets. The subject with this idea tries to intervene in the imagined fidelity, as for example, investigating the lover or attacking At the couple."
As you may have noticed, I have highlighted some points of the previous definition that make a huge difference with natural jealousy. First of all, I point out the word "delusional", which refers to a mental disturbance that causes the person to hallucinate and have confused thoughts, in psychology it is in a rather dangerous proximity to the Disorder psychotic, where total contact with reality is lost.
Secondly, I point to “wrong inferences”, which refers to deducing something, that is, to making a mental evaluation between different possibilities that, when related, allow us to reach a result. This is the core of the thought deductive (yes, that of Sherlock Holmes), however, in the case of the zealotypical this thought, by leaning on delirium, acquires the quality of erroneous in automatic. For the person with celotype, your simple imagination will suffice to grant reality credit, with little or even no evidence to support your idea.
Finally, I note the word "attacking." This is almost always the end result in which the zealot ends: violence against someone, almost always against the object of his obsession, that is, his lover; however, it also attacks third parties.
I recently read of a case in which a taxi driver lost his life at the hands of a zealous lover when he took his companion to his home in a service: the poor man met death when he helped the woman to lower the things that he carried in the trunk of the car to the door of his house. The celotypical husband was sure he was his wife's lover and shot him. A similar case? Othello murdering Desdemona due to the unfounded suspicions of the evil Iago.
Now, as we said before, not all people who feel jealous are Othellos, there are levels in reference to it. I have always said that few things in life are "good" or "bad" per se, Rather, this is cataloged according to the degree to which these attitudes are developed. As we will see, the difference between these types of jealousy lies in only one thing: the obsession.
Obsession is a disturbed state of mind that is produced by a fixed idea and that does not leave the mind alone, so all thoughts revolve around it. The feelings that are generated -such as jealousy-, in any case can persist beyond the efforts that the person makes to eradicate or control them, it takes a lot of work and discipline to control an obsession. Perhaps that is why the Latin meaning of the word obsession is "siege" (obsessive). Recurring thoughts and feelings haunt us.
Below I describe these three types of jealousy that, I must clarify, are about pathological jealousy, that is, those that are linked -from the medical point of view-, to the concept of disease or, as I said above, from the point of view of psychotherapeutic view, somewhat more benevolent but just as successful, out of the ordinary.
I'll mention jealousy first passionate, are those that originate from the fear of losing your partner; This jealousy originates aggressive and anxious behaviors, which means that the jealous person goes crazy at the idea of being the object of a “mockery” or “humiliation” by their partner.
Then there is jealousy obsessive, which are those -as we mentioned before-, where the constant thoughts of infidelity and its consequent feelings. This type of jealousy is so distorted that even if the jealous person is convinced that their suspicions are unjustified, they cannot remove those ideas from their mind, which generates great stress and a huge lack of assertiveness in their decision-making.
In the end there are those that the DSM refers to, which are jealousy delusional. This type is the most dangerous since in them there is an absolute conviction of an infidelity but without proof that the couple is cheating on the jealous one; This type is the one that Othello suffered and is the one most related to crimes of passion because there is a high degree of paranoia and depression in them.
Once you have in mind what jealousy, zealotry and types of jealousy are, the big question is how do I know if I am or my partner is jealous? And to answer this, let's do a brief review of some signs that can bring you closer to it. As I always warn, these signals are only referential since the purpose of this article is only to give an introduction to the subject.
You need to be watching what your partner does and be with her all the time, if not, if he or she does something that is not under your control, you automatically have thoughts of infidelity that fill you with anxiety and you cannot stop.
The zealot creates a kind of bubble "you and me against the world." And if someone wants to get into it - not just a potential lover, but friends, partner, co-workers, etc. - they are not able to tolerate it. This has to do with insecurity and low self-esteem, not necessarily with your partner and their actions..
Actually the zealot is not so much afraid of abandonment as of being abandoned by a "new model", because he translates it as being abandoned by someone "better"; You can seldom see that it is your own jealous attitude that is causing the fracture of your relationship. For this reason, he isolates himself in a relationship of two and tries to get his partner to isolate himself only with him..
He has no choice but to deal with those feelings and since he has no tools for it (he did not learn them), he resorts to the simplest - and, sometimes, effective - of all: aggression. This can lead to physical violence.
Once again: use your common sense when deciding if these points really apply to your situation. It is very important that if this has been the case, you take action on the matter. And my basic recommendation is that you seek professional help, because although I do not consider (and I know that with this statement my haters from here they will take flight) that celotípia does not heal, it can be controlled almost permanently with the right help.
And well, maybe if you decide to read Othello by William Shakespeare you can identify in a pleasant way what I have tried to explain to you in these short lines, although I am afraid that the end will be something that you will not like and you may want to avoid living in your own flesh. Until next time.
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