Who am I after you? Rediscovery after a separation

It has been days after ending a relationship and you are still used to speaking in the plural and considering a third party's agenda before making plans?

Do not worry, doing it is completely normal behavior for those who have had a love relationship. It is normal that you have attached to your ex and a lifestyle as a couple.

However, after a love breakup, it is essential that you reflect on your identity regardless of your former partner and former relationship..

And that is precisely what I will talk about today.

The necessary rediscovery of yourself after ending a relationship

After a love breakup there will come a stage with many unknowns and doubts about the relationship and about your ex.

But there is something more important to focus on:

Reflect on yourself and your present and future life and make sure that this definition is not influenced by your ex.

That is why today I invite you to ask yourself the question:

Who are you after the relationship you lived with your ex?

And to find out, I share with you 3 reflections and 2 activities that will help you not to relate your present lifestyle to your last relationship..

Reflections to rediscover yourself regardless of your ex

From now on you should focus solely on yourself (at least for the minutes that the reading lasts).

Take a deep breath and focus your thoughts and energies on yourself..

The objective is that you discover within yourself the answers to the following reflections and that you decide to act according to what is best for you.

1. You are who you want to be

You are a being that evolves with each moment and experience and it is your obligation to decide who you want to be. (And this applies to before and after a separation)

So now give yourself some time to identify those characteristics that you like the most about yourself and define how you will highlight them.

In the same way, identify those characteristics that you do not like so much about yourself and decide to replace them with others with which you feel more satisfied..

Please don't make the big mistake of concentrating on becoming exactly what your ex wanted from you. And of course, don't focus on being the opposite of who you were while you were in that relationship..

Keep in mind that the relationship did not end because of the way you are, think and / or act.

Relationships end for a wide variety of reasons, including something as essential as having different views of life. So forget everything that you think would have been better for the relationship you had with your ex. Get out of your mind the desire to please a third person and focus on yourself.

Before or after a breakup, you should only be who you want to be.

2. The breakup does not define you as a person

Yes, you have just experienced a separation and you still feel affected by the whole situation. However, that situation does not define you and you cannot allow yourself to make the typical mistakes after a separation.

You are not just someone's "ex".

The breakup is not the only topic of conversation you can have.

And this separation does not mean that you will be unhappy the rest of your life, that you will never find a partner or that you will always be alone..

This love break is only a situation that is momentarily present in your life.

It is a situation you must learn from. And not precisely learn to carry guilt, fear or resentment. Rather, you must learn the positive teachings of a separation.

Search within yourself and discover what positive learnings are the ones you want to keep present.

Which of your past experiences help you to be the person you want to be??

How do you want to present yourself from now on?

What story do you want to tell about your love life?

And do not forget to respond to all these reflections from a positive and independent perspective on your ex.

Remember that you decide who you want to be and you have the power to prevent your ex relationship from defining your present and future life..

3. Your future "me" in which your ex is no longer

Not because the relationship is over does it mean that all your dreams and future plans have to disappear..

They will only need to be changed.

So, if there is a trip you wanted to do, a new activity you were thinking of learning, or something you dreamed of trying, you should make it happen..

And you will not do it with the longing that you could not do it with your ex or with the resentment of his absence. You will do it simply because you have your own dreams and you don't need anyone to make them come true. Being happy is a decision that you are the only owner of.

Perhaps in the future you will want someone with whom to share your dreams and your achievements. But you DO NOT NEED anyone to reactivate your life and do what makes you happy.

And this is one of the aspects that I emphasize the most when I give talks to those who have experienced a separation:

You should define who you want to be and establish a plan to become her regardless of what you experienced in your previous relationship.

Situations and people influence your life indirectly, but only you have the power to decide what you do to become who you want to be..

Now, since we have finished with the reflections, I give you 2 extra tips that will help you rediscover yourself after ending a relationship:

Activities you must do as part of inner rediscovery

Several weeks ago I shared with my readers Paola's story and all the activities she did to overcome a love breakup.

However, there are two very important aspects that you must take into account that were not mentioned before:

1. The same thing you did with your ex, but now with friends

Ending a relationship does not mean that you are prevented from doing what you like best just because it is something you used to do with your ex..

In reality, your life will continue very similar in most respects. Therefore, your favorite activities do not have to disappear, nor do they have to lose their meaning..

Of course, so that you stop relating your favorite activities with your ex, I recommend do them with friends and family.

It is possible that the first few times you shop to compare and think about your ex or your previous relationship. But don't stop doing it.

You need to get on with your life and cultivate new memories!

So invite friends and / or family and discover that you can continue doing what you like the most without the presence of your ex.

2. A physical change with a different meaning

We know that one of the most typical reactions after ending a relationship is to make changes in your physical appearance.

A new look is undoubtedly the reflection of a new beginning.

However, the reason for making an appearance change cannot be your ex.

What you need is a better reason to accredit that physical change.

You can, for example, join organizations that support cancer sufferers and donate your hair.

Maybe you could dedicate your physical training to a registration in a sports competition.

Or you could make a wardrobe change that involves supporting new textile companies or designers..

Whatever you prefer, but do not say, or feel, much less dedicate your physical change to your ex.

What you do must be for you and for you.

Also, doing it this way, I assure you that you will have a better story to tell..

So now you know!

After ending a relationship, you need to make time for yourself. A time to rediscover yourself and discover who you want to be from now on.

And don't forget, the definition of who you are is not conditioned on your ex's opinion..