We have the same regrets at the end of our life

A study developed by Doctor Gayle Brewer (University of Central Lancashire School of Psychology) has brought to light some discoveries related to the regrets we have at the end of our lives. The study was carried out with a sample of 2000 volunteers.

Here are some fun facts from the study:

• Most people have several regrets in their life and spend 2 hours each week thinking about them.

• More than half of the volunteers would have made different life decisions at some point in their life, whether it was having studied a different career, living elsewhere or having married someone else.

• 20% of the women interviewed express regret for having chosen the wrong partner. In the case of men, repentance drops to 10%.

• 25% of those interviewed believe that it is not possible to live a life without regrets.

• 33% of those interviewed think that they could not fulfill their dreams for financial reasons. 25% think it was the family that held them back and 32% blame their own lack of courage.

What really caught my attention from the study has been the creation of a list of regrets, from highest to lowest importance, whose objective is to reduce the regrets of future generations:

1. Not having traveled enough

2. Losing contact with friends

3. Having practiced little sport

4. Not having saved enough

5. Not having quit smoking

6. Not having studied more

7. Make the wrong career choice

8. Having wasted years with the wrong partner

9. Eating in an unhealthy way

10. Not being more interested in the life of the grandparents while they lived

11. Not having learned a second language

12. Not spending enough time with friends and family

13. Not having told someone who is no longer with us that you loved them

14. Having drunk too much alcohol

15. Not having set a real challenge

16. Not having learned to play a musical instrument correctly

17. Having fought with someone and never having solved the problem

18. Having chosen the wrong subjects in college or university

19. Not having spoken in public in front of a crowd

20. Not having taken a sabbatical

The truth is that reading all this has made me think. In principle, the people interviewed were at the end of their lives and the study aimed to identify the most frequent regrets for that specific moment. However, it is obvious that we all have regrets, whatever our age.

I think that repentance is inherent to the human being and I wonder what the evolutionary advantage of it is. I've always heard that regretting something is a waste of time and is useless. Then why does the human being affect such harmful behavior (in extreme cases) and a priori so little adaptive? This behavior must obey some purpose. Maybe it protects us from making the same mistake again in the future?

I think the answer is that repentance itself is not something negative, but quite the opposite.. Repentance is something necessary that balances us and makes us aware that we care about our own life and that we want to continue improving to live it with greater intensity and personal satisfaction.. A life without regrets is a life without learning. A learning that arises thanks to the understanding of our own mistakes.

The problem arises when we get "hooked" with a regret that prevents us from seeing beyond it and moving forward. At that moment the balance is broken and regret clouds all our judgment and prevents us from learning from the situation..