10 tips to control jealousy

Who has not ever been jealous?

And nothing happens. Jealousy is an emotion, and like all of them, it is natural, human. The problem appears when emotion takes over our behavior.

Nothing happens if I feel sad and if I cry. Yes, what happens when sadness prevents me from getting out of bed. Nothing happens for feeling afraid, everyone is afraid! But what happens when fear makes me avoid certain situations that I want to face.

Nothing happens if I feel momentarily jealous that my partner pays more attention to other people. I can even tell him as a joke how much I love that he stays with his co-worker, and then she or he will tell me that I am jealous, I will discover a smile of "you caught me", and he or she will pinch the cheek while saying "Ayyy, jealousy ”, and we will both laugh for a while.

But on many occasions ... the scene is not so cute. And there it does happen, there it does.

Celotype

Celotype, "Jealousy disease" closely resembles Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I show an obsession irrational about whether my partner is going to leave me or they are going to "take it away" from me, and to reduce the anxiety caused by that idea that I generate myself, I perform a series of compulsive acts, that in the case of jealousy it manifests itself in controlling behaviors: I look at his cell phone, I constantly ask him who he is with, I do not let him go out with other people ...

These behaviors of control of the celotypics generate conflicts and emotional discomfort, in addition to what is known as self-fulfilling prophecy: If my partner does not feel good in the relationship, because I do not stop controlling it, he will end up leaving it, so I will be the one who will finally be causing the evil that I was trying to avoid.

Unhealthy jealousy is difficult to change because the trigger for it is a personality trait: The insecurity. But I always say that the difficult costs a little more than the easy. There are no excuses, being jealous is bad for the relationship, for the person we love and for ourselves. So it pays to get going to get the change. Here are some tips to get started:

1. Start to know yourself more and value yourself better

Zealotypical insecurity is preceded by a deficit of self-esteem. Detect your strengths and allow yourself to be flawed. We don't have to be perfect for someone to love us.

2. Engrave this idea in your head: having a relationship does not imply having someone

People are not belongings. Being in a couple does not mean that neither of you should submit to the other or sacrifice your freedom.

3. Encourage your empathic capacity

Ask yourself if you would like to have your cell phone looked at or forbidden to go out with someone or dress in such a way. How would you feel? Would you want to continue in a relationship like this?

4. Use effective communication strategies

Instead of constantly blaming or criticizing the other person, express your feelings in an honest way and try to resolve conflicts in an assertive way..

5. Do not use emotional blackmail

It is one more call to self-fulfilling prophecy: by making the other person feel bad in pursuit of selfish goals, you will only get him to cause rejection to stay in the relationship.

6. Trust is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship

And that pillar is built by putting aside unfounded suspicions that only lead to the other person not telling us anything for fear of our interpretation, and of course, being sincere. But…

7. Beware of sincericide!

We don't have to tell everything or demand it from the other person. When we are in a relationship, we do not lose our right to have a private life and a past.

8. Become aware that freedom is good for your partner

Studies indicate that the best relationship between two people is the one in which the shared space is taken care of while the exclusive space is not abandoned.

9. Make more realistic interpretations of events

If you are late it will be because an unforeseen event has arisen, if you dress like this it will be because you like to feel sexy. Doing other kinds of interpretations ... does it help?

10. And if all of the above is not enough ... put yourself in the hands of a professional now!!

Celotype is not a problem to be underestimated. As I said, it causes conflicts and discomfort that can also be perpetuated from one couple to another..

Of course, our partner can be unfaithful to us or one unexpected day tell us "it's over, I'll quit!". But, don't you think that if instead of controlling the other person, we focus our energies on creating and maintaining a relationship in which we both feel good, safe, free and loved and respected by the other, the chances of that happening decrease considerably?

Bad can always happen, it's true. We don't gain anything by thinking that it will happen. And let's at least try not to provoke it ourselves. Hugs.