How to overcome the fear of motherhood

We have moved from a society that practically ruled that motherhood was a normative point in the life of every woman.

But what happens today? It seems that motherhood today is tinged with demands, resignations and myths that lead to women who, after making the conscious decision to be mothers or not, find themselves overwhelmed by the fear of motherhood.

The fear of being a mother is not strange, although it is one of the most taboos of motherhood. She does not show much of it, quite possibly for fear of being judged. Being afraid of being a mother is by no means synonymous with "I don't want it" or "I'll be a horrible mother".

Is it bad to be afraid of motherhood?

Fear is part of the five basic emotions. And like all of them, it also has a adaptive function. Therefore it is not negative, although it is unpleasant. In the case of fear, we could say that it protects us and alerts us to a real danger, triggering a specific response.

The answer is usually flight or denial. It invites us to get away from a stimulus that we are not prepared to face. But what if we are and this feeling paralyzes us?

Motherhood involves changes throughout the gestation and rearing stage. We could say that for life. And also the hormonal changes of this stage, can affect the way you perceive the moment you live.

And even, being a desired baby, the moment we find out, it may generate this feeling of fear: "Will I do it well? Will I be able? Will I love it?" The contradiction and the duplicity of feelings is assured.

Why do we fear motherhood?

Disinformation

Disinformation is the best food for fear. We must normalize a certain degree of ignorance, especially if we are first-time parents. Everything is new. And even having already been parents it can be a completely different experience..

Let's get used to the situation: Welcome to the rest of your life. Motherhood, that long-distance race in which when you think you know the answers, the questions change because the growth of another person goes from your hand, in a different evolutionary stage.

Let's normalize that we will not know many of the things that happen to us from now on. We must learn to manage uncertainty. But the more information we have, the more empowered we will feel..

Focusing on the time of pregnancy, the best is be aware of resources of which we have, and of which we do not.

Make a list of the resources we have and another of the doubts that you have right now. They sure are huge. Do you have the resources to turn to to meet your needs?

For example, medical questions are usually the most frequent. The best thing is to go to good professionals in whom we feel confident.

Moments like childbirth are steeped in prejudices and stigmas instilled from our childhood through our culture. What's more, more and more hospitals are adhering to the concept of "respected births" where you can "agree" on conditions for you, your partner and your future baby when that time comes..

The information will increase the feeling of control and decrease our fear.

Do we want to be mothers or does society say?

First of all, we must ask ourselves if we want to live motherhood. In other words, an exercise in honesty with ourselves. Sometimes, we come across cases (I focus on women because we talk about motherhood, but we find it in both genders) who do not want to go through this situation. They do not have the desire to be mothers or, on the contrary, they detest the idea and "disguise themselves" as a fear of being a mother.

As we have said at the beginning of the article, it should not be taken as a normative stage. Sometimes, being honest with ourselves or with our partners, or environment leads us to paralyze and put another name.

Society continues to send the wrong messages with which you can exert pressure. But not all people enjoy the same things or want to live the same experiences.

Are the best circumstances?

In this case, again, we have to assess whether se deals with reality or if it is a subjective assessment that leads us to see the objection created by our fear.

We must assess whether we have the material or personal resources to make the experience of motherhood more favorable. If not, it would be advisable to stabilize the situation and reassess later..

It is not about having an idyllic situation but a safe and comfortable environment that is a facilitator that allows us to enjoy the experience, not a stressor.

Motherhood today

In these lines, I would like to lead the reader to a reflection, how connected are we living motherhood / fatherhood today??

We demand many things and activities from ourselves because society indicates that this is normal and we want to have normal children, who do what everyone does: we take them to extracurricular activities (if we have more than one, we do the bobbin lace to do it.

We enroll them in reinforcement classes to give them the best of futures, we both work because we need to bill to meet our expenses, homework, we feel guilty if we do not have an elaborate menu or if we cannot entertain them with all the toys that they ask.

In many cases I meet parents who are hypervigilant towards their children's behavior and excessive worry in the face of any slight deviation from the norm that we look for it in Google or, in the best of cases, in the professionals; and in need of tag your kids.

We subject our body and mind (sometimes also that of children) to excess demand. This makes us anxious but, of course, "I have to get there, if Marta's mother does it by working longer hours, why can't I? ".

This generates me culpability if I do not arrive, and we put ourselves in self-demand mode and, by default, we live installed in anxiety. The anxiety with which we live passes unnoticed. We are not aware. In some cases, we have made ourselves "anxiety junkies", for the deployment of energy that allows us to reach the scheduled agenda and at the end of the day.

And if I get a little sleepy, I have a quarter of coffee to do it, I do not interpret the signals of my body or we do not even listen to them. And so, day after day. And that display of energy is not free. We pay a high cost.

We need to stop. Stop to regenerate myself and to generate an opening space in which we can express ourselves: our children and us. Generate environments of sharing, of being and not just of doing.

Also, let's be aware of modeling learning. I am helping you create your adult self. And sometimes we adults are tired too and we need to stop. We are responsible, but let us also teach them to be responsible to themselves: to listen to themselves and to respect themselves.

We want a world of perfections, in a world by definition imperfect and uncertain.

To those of you who are already on the road or to those who have just found out and feel that fear of the meternality of which we have spoken. Possibly the best of the ways is that you have just started: listen to yourself, be aware of your emotion and from there, manage it. To take care, we must take care of ourselves.

However, if the situation is prolonged or the level of discomfort that it causes you is high, it is advisable to consult with professionals who will help you manage those emotions. Surely you have psychologists close by who we will be happy to help you so that you can live the situation as pleasant as possible.

Motherhood is a journey, a gift to live it, with the 5 senses.

Bibliography:

Warner, J. (2006): "A real madness: the motherhood of the XXI century". Barcelona, ​​Spain. Peninsula editions