What are toxic family relationships?

Today, we have all become used to hearing about or reading articles about toxic relationships. The funny thing is that whenever we do it, the term “toxic” appears associated with the context of romantic or dating relationships.

This being the case, it is not uncommon for us to ask the question of can other types of relationships be toxic, such as those that are gestated within a family environment?

And for this, the correct thing would be, first of all, to clarify these two terms well: what we mean when we say "toxic" and what, when we speak of "family".

What do we mean by the term toxic?

When we speak of "toxicity" we do so with the intention of referring, as opposed to what is healthy. And, although it is a term, more colloquial or informative than psychological, we use it expressly, to emphasize the possibility of getting intoxicated or ending up getting sick, when coming into contact with something with harmful qualities.

And for the family?

When speaking of family from the perspective of group psychology, we would say that we are faced with the primary group par excellence.

Because from our birth we belong to him, without any choice. And, within it, we will grow and develop, living experiences characterized by blood or adoptive ties and affectivity that will allow us to develop stability, internal cohesion, possibilities for evolutionary progress and the acquisition of psychosocial skills. (Cervel and Álvarez González)

That said, we are better able to answer the following question:

Can family relationships be toxic?

Of course. The family, as a group, may be considered a toxic space if, during the time that we are in evolutionary dependence, its characteristics, hinder or prevent proper development of the child who is in process.

But also, when the family culture inoculates values, relational or affective styles, norms, treatment, or dynamics, which far from strengthening the safety and stability of the child, impair or impair their psychological, emotional and social development.

Likewise, once we have grown, we continue to maintain needs to cover within our primary group of belonging..

So much so, that often and even though we have become adults, toxic family relationships can lead an individual to continue suffering from psychological and emotional problems, as they are not able to develop and resolve conflicts that paralyze them in front of the world or that incapacitate you to be self-sufficient or autonomous.

My experience shows me that many times the psychologically healthier individual, Although, therefore, also the most damaged of a toxic family, it is the one that appears before in consultation, regardless of whether they do not know well the reason for their condition.

On other occasions, what happens is that it is some members of the family who come for consultation, because there is a relative who for the rest of the group embodies as a scapegoat, the role of the "toxic, sick or problematic" person.

Often what is happening, in reality, is that said subject, because he is the worst adapted, that is, the healthiest, generates more conflict within a highly toxic family system who is the one who dictates and agrees from their own values ​​that it is the right thing to do and that it is not.

Keys to curbing toxic relationships in the family

For this reason and, to finish, I want to clarify some aspects that I consider essential to preserve our health within family systems:

• That he power of influence and the impact of a family on an individual is equally powerful in positive and negative terms.

• That the fact that certain dynamics, values ​​or traits are normalized, valued or devalued within a family nucleus, says nothing about what adaptive or healthy that these are, if not, about what the family believes is healthy, or what is the same, about the health of that family as a culture and a group.

• That in no group are we as fragile as in our own family, since it can, in positive terms, provide us with the greatest protection from the world, or negatively, leave us with the utmost defenselessness.

Therefore if you find yourself confused, do not hesitate to ask for professional help to be able to approach the correct parameters of what is psychologically healthy and start a royal path to take care of yourself.